22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Fourteen - “My son is also called Bort.”

Season 6, Episode 4
“Itchy And Scratchy Land”
First Broadcast: October 2, 1994

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED

Bart and Lisa become aware of a magical place where their violent desires come to life: Itchy and Scratchy Land!  This leads to an unrelenting campaign of botherment on a scale not seen since they wanted to go to Mt Splashmore.  Marge and Homer eventually relent, won over by Parents’ Island, although Marge is sore at having to cancel their vacation to a bird sanctuary, and pessimistic as to their chances of an incident-free break, mindful that their previous holidays as a family have been absolute disasters.

And disastrous it appears to be, as Homer converts the family’s money to worthless “Itchy and Scratchy Land Fun Bucks”, Bort license plates are running desperately low and both Bart and Homer are arrested by park security for attacking actors.   But in the meantime, despite reassurances that nothing could possibli go wrong, the robots that provide the park’s entertainment have rebelled, which is also Homer’s fault for befuddling them with flash photography.

What follows is a carnival of peril, destruction and petty vandalism, as the family band together to repel the robo-threat with disposable cameras.  The experience brings them closer together, leading them to declare the vacation their greatest family holiday ever!  But with peace restored, and the five of them rewarded with two tickets for a return visit, thoughts turn to the fate of Euro Itchy and Scratchy Land…

MAGIC MOMENTS

The riffing on Bort licence plates, using a clever inversion of audience expectations (yes, I *did* do GCSE Media Studies, thank you very much for noticing) to create a running gag out of the childhood disappointment that any person with an unusually-spelled moniker could expect at a display of personalised doo-dads.

A peek at the ancillary characters from the short-lived “Itchy and Scratchy and Friends Hour” featuring Uncle Ant, Ku Klux Klam and Disgruntled Goat, who – lest we forget – had his moments.

The few seconds we spend in Euro Itchy and Scratchy Land, a reference to the then-failing (but now more stable) Disneyland Paris:

ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING

I did worry that we'd have to go for "Auld Lang Syne", but luckily there's an allusion to "Fantasia", which brings us...

Brrr.  Sorry - ever since that twisted, Poison Mickey Mouse started street entertaining in the town centre, I can't look at the original without feeling like my soul has been scratched with an icicle.

HISTORY/LEGACY

The Simpsons love a theme park - to name but a few, we had the aforementioned water park Mt Splashmore in "Brush With Greatness", Legoland's legally-distinct cousin Blockoland in "Hungry, Hungry Homer", and Maude Flanders' legacy Praiseland in, erm, "I'm Goin' To Praiseland".  Hm, makes sense.  On top of all that, Itchy and Scratchy Land itself actually appears in a later episode where Carl and Lenny give Homer bad news in a fun place - I think it's "Mommie Beerest", which as later episodes go isn't too bad.

As an aside, so far-ranging was the cultural influence of the "Bort" sequence that items personalised to Bort, such as the license plate pictured in the episode, are  available in both Simpsons-themed venues and unaffiliated ones.  But did YOU know that bort is a term used in the diamond industry to refer to shards of non-gem-quality diamonds?

The More You Know, huh?  Or at least, The More You Copy Verbatim From Wikipedia Without More Varied Research That Might Come Back To Haunt You Later...

WHY I LIKE IT

Another insane episode, this time very much a tribute to "Westworld" (the original film, not the series.  Obviously, since the series only just came out.  Why did you think it was the series?  What kind of an idiot are you, huh?  HUH???  That's right, run away!  Run back to mummy, you little idiot!  IDIOT!!!)

...Sorry, where was I?

Oh yes, I remember *clears throat*: but much like "Homer The Vigilante", it's grounded by its series of relatable experiences - the sensory overload of a theme park visit, the complex moving parts of a family vacation resulting in near-inevitable disappointment for some or all parties, the inability to find your perfectly reasonable name in a collection of personalised items - all damn near universal experiences for a child or family in the West.

The careering off the rails into a robot massacre is therefore earned, given the time that has been spent hooking the audience in, and the sheer amount of quotable lines - "we've also arrested your older, balder, fatter son", "please kill me", "my son is also called Bort", to name but a few - really push this one through the roof and into the upper tiers.

Join us next time when we’ll be discussing attractive cousins.

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Fifteen - “Can you swing a sack of doorknobs?”

Season 5, Episode 11
“Homer The Vigilante”
First Broadcast: January 6, 1994

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED

Springfield is in the grip of a one-man crimewave, as the Springfield Cat Burglar’s reign of terror leaves its residents fear-stricken and without valuables, such as Lisa’s treasured saxophone.  With the police “powerless” - read: incompetent - a Neighbourhood Watch group is formed, immediately gets drunk on power (and beer) and begins its own reign of terror.

The Cat Burglar contacts Channel 6’s Smartline current affairs show, whilst Homer is appearing as a guest, to announce that he will be attempting to steal the world’s largest cubic zirconia from Springfield Museum.  Whilst guarding the museum Homer is goaded into a drinking competition with some teen ne’er-do-wells and the zirconia is snatched.

Grampa saves the day by noting that a fellow resident of Springfield Retirement Castle, a charming senior named Molloy, has been seen walking much more vertically than usual and wearing sneakers – for sneaking!  Indeed, he is the Cat Burglar; and having returned the town’s possessions, he sends them on a wild goose chase reminiscent of “It’s A Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World”, whilst he makes good his escape.

MAGIC MOMENTS

Homer giving the gang codenames: "I'll be Cue-Ball, Skinner can be Eight-Ball, Barney will be Twelve-Ball, and Moe, you can be Cue-Ball".

The Rapmaster 2000:

Springfield’s choice of home defence systems, including Professor Frink’s automated house that gets up and runs away.  And falls over.  And catches fire.  Nice try, though!

ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING

..Or in this case, not much singing or dancing.  So here's the theme from "Dragnet", which occurs during a scene where Homer and Skinner nod at each other.  It's the Art of Noise version from the eighties film because the others are, like, five seconds long.

HISTORY/LEGACY

As alluded to above, Molloy seems never to have appeared again – although he was guest voiced (by Sam Neill), which explains that adequately but also rather puts the kibosh on me talking about him.  So, here comes (option) two!… Abraham “Grampa” Simpson first appeared in the Tracy UIlman short “Grampa And The Kids”, and is the show’s main elderly character.

Originally used wherever a senior citizen was needed for a joke, he’s largely been bumped from that role by Jasper and Old Jewish Man as time has gone on, becoming a main character in great episodes like “Raging Abe Simpson and His Grumbling Grandson in 'The Curse of the Flying Hellfish'" and “Grampa vs. Sexual Inadequacy”, and not so great ones, like that one where he was a fucking matador for some reason.

With his rambling stories, like the one about the time he caught the ferry over to Shelbyville.  He needed a new heel for his shoe, so, he decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days...  I'm certainly not doing the whole bit but you get the idea - a great supporting character with his own memorable bit, albeit yet another suffering diminishing returns as time goes on.

WHY I LIKE IT

This is a roller-coster ride of an episode, with plenty of crazy happenings that is still remarkably grounded by the raw feelings of loss, paranoia and anger being channelled by Springfield's residents, especially Lisa, whose saxophone becomes a symbol of the ill will caused by theft and home invasion, over and above the cubic zirconia.

Homer's band of hotshots, and their immediate descent into the worst excesses of the power that authority and violence brings, is made palatable by the episode's dishing out of their comeuppance and showing them to be as dim as they are ornery, with the burglar easily tricking them (and the rest of the town) into his trap.

And when that roller-coaster finally hangs for a second and plummets into the pitch-perfect reference in the show's closing moments, there's nothing to do but settle in for the ride, before reflecting on this perfectly paced gem of a half hour.  They don't come much better...  But apparently, fourteen did!

Join us next time for the blog where nothing can possibli go wrong.  I mean, *possibly* go wrong.  That's the first time anything's gone wrong…

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Sixteen - “The Simpsons are going to Delaware!"

Season 11, Episode 22
“Behind The Laughter”
First Broadcast: May 21, 2000

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED

In a parody of the format of VH1’s “Behind The Music”, The Simpsons discuss their careers in showbusiness, “The Simpsons” of course being a live-action comedy that Homer developed from his pilot “My Funny Family” that shot to fame due to the public’s insatiable desire for horrible acts of child abuse.

Fame, fortune and MC Hammer’s house would follow, before the pressure starts to break the family; Homer is horribly injured performing the Springfield Gorge jump stunt in “Bart The Daredevil” and becomes addicted to painkillers, the plotlines get ever wackier – even revealing that Principal Skinner is an imposter, would you believe!  Like that would ever happen – and when Bart is replaced by Richie Rich during a spot of trouble with the law, the writing is on the wall.

Reuniting only for an acrimonious Thanksgiving dinner, the family go their separate ways.  Lisa spills the beans in a tell-all biography, Homer returns to legitimate theatre, Bart stars in “Renegade” and Marge fronts a variety revue.   All is forgiven when Willie Nelson tricks the family into appearing together on a phony awards ceremony, and The Simpsons go on to make at least one more season of merchandisable content to ever-diminishing creative returns.

MAGIC MOMENTS

Homer's return to the stage, as landlord Mr Stingely in "Rent":

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Carl and Lenny being paid to kiss but forgetting to ask for the money.

I've already mentioned it, and will probably mention it again, but the recontextualisation of the Springfield Gorge stunt, with Homer watching the footage on television: "right about here I notice something's wrong...  Yup, there I go."

ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING

“Simpsons Boogie”, “Lovely To Love Your Lovin’” and “Simpsons Christmas Boogie” are identified as hits the family had during their glory days, and they certainly recall the cash-in-tastic "The Simpsons Sing The Blues", though without the killer hooks of "Do The Bartman" and "Deep, Deep Trouble".  However there's no embeddable videos of those, so...

Marge also sings "I Shot The Sherriff", but I fucking hate that boring, meandering, tuneless piece of garbage.  Hm.  What to do, what to do...  Ah, why fucking not:

HISTORY/LEGACY

The format is borrowed from "Behind The Music", VH1's music documentary programme which tended to focus on the more juicy break-ups, reformations, deaths and addiction journeys of musicians of a certain age.

The show debuted in 1997 and is still going today, having featured such acts as Metallica, Dr Dre, Milli Vanilli and...  JULIAN LENNON???  Are you honestly telling me they were that desperate for a subject they went for Julian freaking Lennon?  Clowns.  Amusingly, guest star Willie Nelson was also given his own show - and that is the traditional announcer, Jim Forbes, reprising his role here.

WHY I LIKE IT

This is an extremely clever episode.  Dropping right at the height of “The Simpsons has lost it”-mania, with die-hard fans already having decided that the show was on the outs - partially due to a mid-season slump featuring faith healing, missionary work, the death of Maude Flanders and perhaps most damningly, "Saddlesore Galactica" - it also couldn't have been better timed.

It obviously shouldn’t be considered canon, but contained a smart repurposing of both the show’s greatest moments (Homer’s gorge plunge) and its deepening problems with outlandish plots (Armin Tamzarian), via massive sudden fame and Krusty The Clown-esque shoddy merchandising, that played as a knowing wink to the fans as much as a stark presentation of the problems with producing enthralling episodic television for over a decade.

Some fans rail against the more meta episodes, and I get it - I really do.  But this was an excellent (albeit largely accidental) example of cometh the hour, cometh the episode, and I think this went a long way to defusing some of the ire that was being thrown the show's way, paving the way for the next 476 seasons of largely acceptable television.

Oh, and by the way - I've been reminded of the genius that is this:

Join us next time at the blog that never, EVER stops in the middle of a hoedown!

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Seventeen - “I’m going to party like it’s on sale for $19.99!”

Happy 2018, Simpsons-wads!

Season 7, Episode 21
“22 Short Films About Springfield”
First Broadcast: April 14, 1996

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED

Bart and Milhouse are spending a lazy day spitting on passing cars from a bridge.  This leads Bart to have a thought about how many people there must be in the city’s larger community, and wonder what all those people might be up to.

This gives us our framing device, and from there we jump all over the city, viewing a number of divergent episodes in the lives of Springfield’s finest.  Skinner attempts to curry favour with Chalmers with a home-cooked clam dinner; Bumblebee Man’s life imitates art; Cletus Spuckler commits a fashion faux pas; Springfield Police Department debate the differences between McDonalds and Krusty Burger, before Snake and Chief Wiggum are kidnapped by Herman…  The list goes on.

If there is a running thread, it centres on Lisa’s battle with a piece of bubblegum stuck in her hair.  Seemingly the whole population of the city – up to and including the Capital City Goofball – are on hand to dispense their folk remedies.  Nelson haw-haws the result, but gets a taste of his medicine at the hands of a very tall gentleman, which eventually leads him back to the bridge where Bart and Milhouse are still making mischief, bringing the episode full circle.

And that’s before we even get to Professor Frink, who…  Oh.  We’ve run out of space.

MAGIC MOMENTS

Skinner and Chalmers.

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Skinner and Chalmers in the morning…

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Skinner and Chalmers in the evening…

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Skinner and Chalmers ‘til the sun goes down.

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Dr Nick passing a bee-stung Smithers: “Oh my God!  You need booze!”

Comic Book Guy’s short interjection in Milhouse’s story, selling him a Hamburglar comic in which a child had solved the jumble using crayons.  The answer was “fries”.

ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING

Many of the segments have their own miniature opening theme, which is a lovely little touch.   Here’s "Skinner And The Superintendent":

And here’s Cletus’.  I couldn’t get a cigarette paper between the two in my affections, so let’s have a rare twofer:

HISTORY/LEGACY

Speaking of which, this was Cletus Spuckler’s first featured appearance, having literally been called “a slack-jawed yokel” in “Bart Gets An Elephant”, then favoured with a name in “Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily”.  He would then be rolled out with his ever-growing clan of young-uns and his wife, and possibly many other relations, every time the series needed a shorthand for the south of America.

For a series that deals reasonably well with non-American cultures and all sexualities, and at least equally badly with all featured religions and countries, this is arguably the most offensive stereotype that is regularly portrayed, and is also a rare example of a side character getting too much screen time; with all due respect, Cletus seems more of a one-note joke like a Disco Stu or a Captain McAllister than a living, breathing character like Barney, Moe or Flanders.

Smithers’ fatal bee sting allergy would later be referenced in Season 16's "Midnight Rx", although the whole idea is frankly absurd – in “Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk”, he was stung by several bees and did not die!  Boy, I really hope somebody got fired for that blunder!

WHY I LIKE IT

This is an absolute masterclass in telling a flowing, many-layered story.  So, so many writers were involved in this episode, and with the narrative then stitched together from the smaller pieces, one would expect at least some lulls in the action.  However, and perhaps as a result of so many different creatives struggling to get their vision noticed in the chaotic whole, it’s a breathless, action-packed affair.

Expansion of side characters, and a look at the less featured faces of Springfield?  This one’s got ‘em in spades!  And as seasoned readers will be only too aware, development of the diverse background players of the Simpsons universe is one of this writer’s favourite Simpsons tropes.  Jokes?  Forget about it.  The punchline count is through the roof, and if you don’t like this one, the next one’s coming right up.  Parodies?  How about “Pulp Fiction” for starters?

This is a snapshot of the very best of The Simpsons, albeit one that's best enjoyed with a rich understanding of the show’s world to begin with, but definitely a half hour that puts a lot of meat on the bones of the series' continuity, which greatly elevates what could easily have been a throwaway gimmick episode.

Bathtubs of money, wheelbarrows of awards, fire hoses of respect - The Simpsons had it all.  But behind the streamers and confetti, storm clouds were gathering.  Figurative storm clouds.  So, er...  Yeah.  Join us for that next time.

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Eighteen - “Homer S. – Portrait of an Assgrabber”

Season 6, Episode 9
“Homer Badman”
First Broadcast: November 27, 1994

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED

Homer scores tickets to the Candy Trade Show, and opts to take Marge as his date to enable the carriage of the maximum amount of free candy.  This necessitates the hiring of a babysitter, who due to a mix-up involving a priceless Gummi Venus De Milo becoming stuck to her behind, believes (quite properly, given the apparent evidence) that she has been groped.  Homer doesn’t really have a leg to stand on given the obscure and seemingly unprovable nature of his defence, coupled with his immediate consumption of the Gummi.

The media smells blood and has a field day, flooding the local news with half-truths about Homer’s sex life and sleeping arrangements.  In desperation after being stitched up on an investigative news programme, the family fights fire with fire by purchasing screen time on an obscure television channel, but Homer’s protestations of innocence are met with nought but a kick in the face from a man riding a Penny Farthing.

Luckily Groundskeeper Willie is able to save the day, revealing that in the manner of “every single Scottish person”, he illicitly taped Homer’s Gummi removal, giving them the proof needed to clear his name.  Homer then settles down to watch his saviour, now rechristened “Rowdy Roddy Peeper”, take a shellacking on the same investigative news programme, revealing that he has learned nothing from his ordeal.

MAGIC MOMENTS

The protestors’ catchy chant: “2, 4, 6, 8, Homer’s crime was very great!”

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

“Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers!”  “HEY!  That’s a half-truth!”

Homer's description of sexual harassment to the children, including the grey area that is the dog in the Coppertone advert - which I just looked up and oh dear God what were they thinking?

ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING
This is next level stuff - this episode has the fantastic parody of “Under The Sea” from Disney’s “The Little Mermaid”:

HISTORY/LEGACY

Kent Brockman, hacky local news anchor and current affairs frontman, first appeared back in Season One's "Krusty Gets Busted".  Despite winning a fortune on the lottery in Season Three's "Dog Of Death" and his many on-screen meltdowns, tantrums and walk-outs, plus his affair with Stephanie the Weather Girl being the talk of the town, he continues to work at Channel 6.

He eventually got his standard 'side character focus' episode in Season Eighteen's "You Kent Always Say What You Want", which was also the series' 400th episode.  He was fired from Channel 6 for on-air swearing in that episode, and rebuilt his career from the ground up via the Internet, none of which matters as I am mentioning him only so I can publish my favourite Simpsons screengrab, from "Deep Space Homer":

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via memes.

As for Rowdy Roddy Peeper himself, Groundskeeper Willie…  Let’s put it this way: Edna Krabappel herself tells Bart “I'm not even gonna tell you what that guy's into” in "Bart The Lover", so I will be doing no further digging.  Besides, he’s a pervert who tapes people!  Rock Bottom said so…  He shares a shame with Kent though, in having an episode focused on him that is a pretty rubbish later season affair - Season Seventeen's "My Fair Laddy".

WHY I LIKE IT

First up: sexual assault is NOT funny.  As someone who’s suffered more than one uninvited groping from busy-handed pederasts and lecherous peers, I did have reservations about writing this one up, opting for inclusion on the argument of the incident itself being framed well enough to just about absolve Homer of any deliberate wrongdoing.

The comedy in this episode comes from the media circus and their decent upon the family, Homer’s shell-shocked crawl through the wreckage of his long held values as television – the one constant in his life – seemingly turns on him, and most pointedly, his immediate literal re-embracing of television, showing that he has not, and essentially will never, change his ingrained ways.

So we have an on-point skewering of local and national news media, journalistic bias, an explosion at a candy convention AND an improv comedian imaging the offspring of Mr. T and E.T. - and who can turn all that down?

Join us next time for steamed hams…  You thought we were having steamed clams?  Oh no, I said, “steamed hams.”  That what I call hamburgers.

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Extra Credit 3 - Merry Christmas!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fiiiire...  Hang on, I don't have an open fire...

Oh dear.

Best get this finished quickly then - it's G.F. Ho-Ho-Ho-rons' guide to The Simpsons at Christmas!  First up: this won't be anywhere near as good as the Halloween ones.  I make no apologies - there's simply not as much material to choose from, and for the most part it's simply not as good.

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

However, I *love* me some Christmas.  It's my favourite time of year, so if I've got an ongoing regular series, you bet your sweet...  ASS that I'll be marking it with a quick post.  So let's have a good old look at my top five, eh?  Come on, it's Christmas Eve.  You've got bollocks all else to do.


NUMBER 5: "The Fight Before Christmas"
Season 22, Episode 8
First Broadcast: December 5, 2010

A CHRISTMAS STORY: We kick off with a "Treehouse of Horror" style anthology, with Bart getting a job at the North Pole to take his revenge on Santa for...  Er, something (see?  I told you this wasn't as good as the Halloween ones!), Marge fighting the Nazis in World War II and something to do with Martha Stewart - none of which matters as there's a section at the end with a Henson-style puppet Simpsons interacting with Katy Perry, so no-one remembers all the other bits.  Yay?

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: By default, the bit with Katy Perry, but to be honest I can't even remember that properly.  NEXT!!!

SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS RATING: Moody teenage Jesus.


NUMBER 4: "'Tis The Fifteeth Season"
Season 15, Episode 7
First Broadcast: December 14, 2003

A CHRISTMAS STORY: Right, this is definitely better - Homer's selfish streak is very much in evidence as he forgets to get first Lenny, then his family, any presents, whist treating himself to a lavish talking astrolabe.  But after watching a rip-off of "A Christmas Carol", he decides to mend his ways and become the nicest, most generous man he can be - until bloody Lisa ruins it all by passing on her Buddhist tendencies.

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: "Star Trek"'s (fictional) take on "A Christmas Carol":

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS RATING: Buddy Christ.


NUMBER 3: "Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire"
Season 1, Episode 1
First Broadcast: December 17, 1989

A CHRISTMAS STORY: Quite a lot happens in this, the first full-length episode of The Simpsons after their introduction in short form on Tracy Ullman's show, but to get to the heart of the matter: when Marge's hard-saved Christmas budget gets spent on tattoo removal for Bart, Homer works as an in-store Santa Claus to try to give the family the presents they want - but winds up with something even better...

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: Erm...  It's a bit rough if I'm honest, but I do enjoy Marge's Christmas letter - "Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's and Bart...  Well, we love Bart."

SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS RATING: Baby Jesus, making his debut.


NUMBER 2: "Holidays Of Future Passed"
Season 23, Episode 9
First Broadcast: December 11, 2011

A CHRISTMAS STORY: Quoted by many as a possible planned final ever episode should the actors' pay dispute not have been ironed out, this is the 'canon' future of The Simpsons, and is a very family-focused episode, as Bart and Lisa are struggling to connect with their own children and Maggie is in labour.  Luckily Homer is there to act as a bad example as usual, and there's all kind of future gubbins, including clones of Ralph Wiggum and a mind-swapped Lenny and Karl.

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: Homer's surprisingly touching talk about being a son, and being a father: "...everyone thinks their dad's a jerk.  And everyone's right.  But, when you get older, you realize how much you love them.  Your dad may be a little bit immature, but I know he loves you.  So, you ought to give him a chance."

SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS RATING: Super Saiyan Jesus.


NUMBER 1: "Marge Be Not Proud"
Season 7, Episode 11
First Broadcast: December 17, 1995

A CHRISTMAS STORY: Yes, this was a Christmas episode!  And thank Godzilla for that, as we get to talk briefly about a non-gimmicky episode which is simply good on its own merit.

Bart will stoop to any low to get "Bonestorm", the hot new beat-'em-up videogame, but when he tries to shoplift it and is caught by the store detective, Marge begins to feel she has failed as a mother, and that Bart has grown up too much to need her.  But the seasonal spirit brings reconciliation, and Bart gets to "enjoy" a videogame for Christmas - "Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge".

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: Anything to do with "Bonestorm" itself is pure, post-"Mortal Kombat" moral panic gold - but come on, it has to be this one shot...

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS RATING: Brian.

Join us next Thursday when we'll be back in our usual routine.  But until then, have a merry Christmas, everybody - and enjoy the rock 'n' roll stylings of Wild Billy Childish and The Buff Medways!

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Nineteen - “Five days? But I’m mad now!”

Season 9, Episode 5
“The Cartridge Family”
First Broadcast: November 2, 1997

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED

When association football (‘soccer’, to our American friends) fever comes to Springfield, in the form of the bitter rivalry of Mexico and Portugal, a riot breaks out when no goals are scored in seemingly only two minutes of action, underlining the fundamental difference between American and European team spectator sports.  After a good old fashioned football riot, naturally led by the British contingent, anarchy temporarily rules, and Homer uses his family’s perceived lack of safety as a lever to buy a firearm.

Unconvinced by a National Rifle Association meeting, and livid after Homer promises to get rid of the gun but actually just leaves it in the refrigerator, Marge is moved to take the children and go to a sleazy motel in an attempt to escape Homer’s wanton gunplay.  When his behaviour even brings the scorn of the NRA, Homer knows he must make amends.

Following Marge to the motel, he apologises and asserts that he has got rid of the gun.  However, Snake’s appearance and attempted robbery leads him to reveal he has lied again, and when Snake snatches Homer’s gun, it’s up to the quick reactions of other NRA members to save them.  Fearing the power the gun has over him, Homer empowers Marge to throw it away…  But seeing her reflection in the garbage can, decides to keep it for herself.

MAGIC MOMENTS

Homer's imagining of what life would be like if he robbed the Kwik E Mart:

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Homer shopping for a gun, which includes him being categorised as "Potentially Dangerous", limiting him to a mere three handguns.

The contrast between Kent Brockman’s commentary, and the commentary of his Mexican, non-union equivalent.

ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING

Oh, that’s weird: the main featured song in this episode – other than the theme to “The Avengers” – is “The Waiting” by Tom Petty, who as I write this has just died, a mere four days ago (but when this gets published, about two and a half months ago).  It plays as Homer runs down the agonising five-day wait for his gun:

HISTORY/LEGACY

Guns had been featured prominently in The Simpsons before, including in “Homer The Vigilante”, where the drunken mob (some of whom are pictured in the NRA in this episode) are shown to be unable to safely handle firearms, and the actual showing of an oft-quoted Apu shooting in “Homer and Apu” - and that’s before we even get to the hyperviolence  of “McBain”.  And Sky1 didn’t ban any of those.  Just saying.  (Although I bet Channel 4 have cut them to shit.)

Oh yeah, and there’s an episode where Mr Burns got shot – that’s a bit of an obscure one though, you might not have heard about it.

The National Rifle Association – “cold, dead hands” and all that – are of course regularly mentioned on The Simpsons.  As revealed in “The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular”, when Maggie is scanned in the opening title sequence, the cash register shows the legend “NRA4EVER” – just one of many right-wing references Matt Groening has peppered throughout his creation.

WHY I LIKE IT

The Simpsons rarely turns its focus to huge societal and political issues, “Much Apu About Nothing”’s Cliff Notes of immigration aside, so the novelty of the show weighing in on something wider than Captain Wacky’s family adventures is pretty damn cool – I’d go as far as to say that this is “South Park” territory in terms of subject matter, and as such an intriguing proposition from the get-go.

It seems a relatively even-handed discussion of that huge issue, one which remains non-judgemental about gun ownership and use, not blind to the perceived advantages in home security and even the allure of firearm ownership, but critical of any lack of gun safety and the ease with which they can be purchased – a realistic view in keeping with a broadly left-wing American perspective on gun control.

And yeah, the banning worked.  This was a holy grail for a fair while due to Sky 1’s reluctance to show it and the lack of streaming or home DVR at that time, meaning a bootleg VHS was the only way to get hold of it – and get hold of it I did not.  Luckily the good old BBC was more than happy to have an episode of The Simpsons it could legitimately debut in the UK, and I still remember my excitement on seeing it for the first time.  For that one move alone, they’ll get my licence fee until the Tories succeed in dismantling it, in about four months’ time.

Join us next time for more from the blog that can’t even say “titmouse” without giggling like a girl.  (Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!)

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty - “…And that's when the C.H.U.D.s came at me.”

Season 9, Episode 1
“The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson”
First Broadcast: September 21, 1997

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED

When Moe cracks down on his patrons’ drink driving, Barney finds himself in the unfamiliar realm of sobriety as the designated driver, on a night that will never be forgotten, except by everyone except Barney due to their excessive drunkenness – as DUFFMAN! and the Duff Party Bus pull up for a night of debauchery.

Barney drops the guys at their homes and disappears with Homer’s car, which is eventually traced to New York City.  Homer is reluctant to go due to a bad experience changing buses there when he was seventeen years old, but the family are keen to sample the Big Apple – and sample they do, taking in the sights and sounds, some shopping and a show on Broadway, whilst Homer spends an infuriating afternoon trying to get his car unclamped.

When crab juice causes nature to call and the World Trade Center bathroom is the only one around, Homer misses Officer Steve Grabowski’s arrival, and in frustration wrecks his own car attempting to remove the clamp, leading to a long, windscreen-free drive home for the hapless patriarch, further compounded by his family’s eagerness to revisit New York…

MAGIC MOMENTS

No pizza.  Only Khlab Kalash.  And to drink...?

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Bart’s visit to Mad Magazine, featuring Spy vs. Spy and Alfred E. Neumann.  One assumes he has yet to wash his eyes.

Homer’s flashback to the old, nasty New York of the late seventies/early eighties, full of pimps and C.H.U.D.s, all of which is wonderfully set to “The Entertainer”…

ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING

…which is a popular ragtime piece written by Scott Joplin in 1902.  More recently it was popularised by its use in the film “The Sting”, released in 1973:

Oh, thank Godzilla!  There’s also a whole bunch of songs this week, as opposed to last week’s Joe Cocker-fest.  So we also have a version of “Theme From New York, New York”, as popularised by the chairman of the board, you know his name. 

The episode also features “Oh Yeah” by Yello, arguably best known from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, as the theme of the Duff Party Bus, and a snatch of an original song, “You’re Checking In”, from a fictional Broadway show about celebrity addiction that the family attend, sans Homer.

HISTORY/LEGACY

DUFFMAN! is a character (or characters) with a history even foggier than that of Armin Tamzarian.  Ostensibly a gentleman named Barry Duffman (though this may be an illusion kept up by the brewery as at least three Duffmen are present in a later episode), or perhaps Barry Huffman, or Larry, or Sid…  You know what?  I’m going to leave it there and just state that I honestly think they’re using this character to deliberately needle their own approach to continuity.

Barney Gumble though – now that’s a man with coherent characterisation, right from his appearance in the first full length episode, “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”.  A friend of Homer’s since high school, driven to drink by combination of Homer (in general) and the rejection of his high school sweetheart, Barney is clearly a clever and creative man – see his turn as John Lennon in “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet”, or his delightful short film “Pukeahontas” – but he is constantly stymied by his need to drink, a thirst not helped by Moe’s enabling.

Barney has cleaned up his act on a number of occasions, and seemingly permanently in Season Eleven’s “Days of Wine and Doh’ses”.  Unfortunately this robbed him of his main character trait/flaw, and he has largely disappeared from the show since, only reappearing during his now-more-frequent relapses.

WHY I LIKE IT

This is an episode from when “The Simpsons Are Going To…” was still big news, and this is one of the few episodes where the entirely cartoon America they inhabit is contrasted by a cartoon representation of the real America, as opposed to simply dumping them in another country and letting them deal with the ker-azy culture and wildlife. 

This episode shows, in microcosm, the full potential of taking the family to a different locale and letting them loose, with the added bonus of it being (largely) free of negative stereotyping and imbued with an increased accuracy that suggests the writers are more familiar with the location they’re writing about, rather than just saying Africa has big spiders or that the cultural value of female life is embarrassingly tiny in China.

As such it has a feel largely unlike other episodes that put the family out of their comfort zone – caricatured, but firmly rooted in reality; whimsical, but with a sliver of truth.  I think it also helps that it’s a place I’ve actually been – yes, yes, there’s “The Regina Monologues”, but I didn’t recognise the UK from that episode – which gives me a cultural proximity I don’t get from the rest of their travels. 

In fact the episode is so good that I've managed to go through this whole piece without mentioning the ridiculous theory that it predicted 9/11.

Join us next time when you’ll see all your favourite soccer stars!  Like Ariaga!  Ariaga II!  Bariaga!  Aruglia!  And Pizzoza!

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty-One - “Then grease me up, woman!”

Season 5, Episode 19

"Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"

First Broadcast: April 28, 1994

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED

Bart, desperate to stand out in a ‘show and tell’ exercise awash with geodes, makes the flawed but understandable decision to take his pet dog, Santa’s Little Helper, into school.  Whilst initially dismissed as some form of walking clock, the dog is a huge hit with pupils and staff alike, until SLH escapes into the school’s ventilation system in search of Grade F Meat,  leading Groundskeeper Willie to grease up and pursue him.

When that situation spirals inevitably out of control, Principal Skinner is left carrying the can with an enraged Superintendent Chalmers, who fires Skinner after bearing the impact of a falling, greasy Scotsman.  Ned Flanders steps into the breach as principal, but his soft touch leads to absolute anarchy, whilst Bart, shocked to be craving structure and rules, starts an unlikely friendship with Skinner, who soon rejoins the US Army.

Bart decides enough is enough, and with Homer on board – simply to take any chance to ruin Flanders – he gets Skinner out of the army and brings Chalmers to the school to view its fall from grace first hand.  Initially unconcerned, Chalmers is moved to fire Flanders when he hears him offer a prayer over the PA system, and Skinner is rehired.  No longer able to be friends, Skinner and Bart have one last chat and depart to be kicked and taught, respectively.

MAGIC MOMENTS

One of the greatest scenes in Simpsons history, period: Skinner’s synopsis of his great American novel, “Billy And The Cloneasaurus”, and his subsequent castigation by Apu.

A debut appearance by one Luigi Risotto:

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

The chase scene in the ventilation system, a loving tribute to “Alien”.

ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING

Baadasssss songs we do NOT have, here.

(*sigh*)

No; instead, it is my solemn duty to report that our main musical moment this time is Joe Cocker’s absolutely excruciating version of The Beatles’ “With A Little Help From My Friends”, better known as the opening to the equally execrable coming-of-age-very-very-slowly snorefest “The Wonder Years”.

I’m bloody not putting that up though, so here’s the aria “Votre toast, je peux vous le rendre“ from Bizet’s “Carmen”, more popularly known as “The Toreador Song”, which is briefly hummed by Martin Prince for, like, five seconds or something later in the episode.  It is performed here by everybody's Siberian baritone, Mr Dmitri Hvorostovsky:

HISTORY/LEGACY

Armin Tamzarian… (ducks many, many thrown items) Hey!  It’s canon, don’t blame me!...  Was a Green Beret in the US Army, who saw action and imprisonment in the Vietnam War, before moving to Springfield to take over his missing Sergeant’s life in his absence, becoming Seymour Skinner.  This was revealed in Season Nine’s “The Principal And The Pauper”, an episode which is itself called out in Season Eleven’s “Behind The Laughter” as a point where the show’s golden reputation started to tarnish.

(Or maybe not, as the episode “Boy Meets Curl” – which isn’t that bad, despite having a curling gimmick and being in Season Twenty-One – depicts Seymour in Agnes’ womb…  Maybe this is one of those ones where continuity simply doesn’t work, and I need to dial back the urge to nerd a little.)

Skinner was there from the start and has appeared a great deal of times, given he works at Springfield Elementary and very few episodes don't include at least one scene there.  His classics include a turn as the funny one in "Homer's Barbershop Quartet", his Terminator-esque chase down of Bart in "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" and his surprisingly tender romance with Edna Krabappel, as first kindled in "Grade School Confidential".

WHY I LIKE IT

Deliberately picked to be the show’s 100^th episode to be broadcast due to its focus on Bart rather than Homer, thus harking back to the show’s early days as a family-targetted Bart vehicle, this seems like a distillation of the early years - Bart prank, consequences, resolution, status quo - albeit one informed by the extra experience the show had picked up along the way.

The central conflict/friendship between Bart and Seymour imbues this episode with a similar core dynamic to “Homer Loves Flanders”, but it is further enlivened here by the fringe characters – Ned just being Ned and applying Nedlike logic to a role he is utterly unqualified for, and Skinner and Chalmers’ fantastic interplay, which would become a must-see dynamic in later episodes, particularly where steamed hams were involved.

This is an excellent romp that earns its more sentimental ending by keeping me rolling in the aisles throughout, and much like "Homer And Apu", gives us enough of a glimpse at a side character's life to develop them to full comedic potential - a potential that has been mined to great effect since.  Just don't mention Armin Tamzarian again....

Join us next time when we hand you a stark choice: Mountain Dew or Crab Juice?

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty-Two (Hooray!) - "I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson."

Season 8, Episode 23

“Homer’s Enemy”
First Broadcast: May 4, 1997

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

A BUNCH OF STUFF THAT HAPPENED

Frank Grimes is a clever, hard-working man who has pulled himself up by his fingernails and suffered adversity after adversity in his life.  Homer Simpson is an idiot who has repeatedly landed on his feet. 

Conflict between this chalk-and-cheese pairing ensues quickly when Mr Burns sees an inspiring soft news story about Grimes and decides to hire him to a board position.  By the time he arrives at the power plant, Mr Burns has seen a subsequent inspiring soft news story about a heroic dog, and awards the board position to the canine, sending Frank to Sector 7-G with Homer.

Meanwhile, Bart sneaks into an auction and buys a warehouse downtown.  He gives Milhouse a fantastic opportunity in overnight security facilitation, and returns the next day to find the warehouse has collapsed.  (That’s the whole B-plot by the way – it’s actually better than it sounds.)

Frank is stretched to breaking point by Homer’s incompetence and his community’s acceptance thereof, and particularly angered by his list of achievements, including but not limited to space travel.  The self-made man eventually snaps after Homer wins a model making contest for children and is lauded for it, leading to Frank’s death by misadventure in a rare on-screen slaying.

MAGIC MOMENTS

Frank's incredible meltdown, one of the single greatest speeches in Simpsons history:

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac,

Homer’s formula for winning the model contest: "Well, basically, I just copied the plant we have now... Then I added some fins to lower wind resistance.  And this racing stripe here, I feel is pretty sharp."

The rats' exodus into Moe's Tavern, to enjoy the dank.

ALL SINGING, ALL DANCING

OK, so the best I can do here is that Homer sings "Take Me Out To The Ball Game".  So, yeah...  They can't ALL have showstoppers, y'know.

HISTORY/LEGACY

Despite his decisive death at the end of this episode, Frank Grimes is mentioned a few times in the following seasons.   Whilst usually restricted to shots of his gravestone, Season Fourteen’s superior offering “The Great Louse Detective” centred on a plot to kill Homer, with Sideshow Bob brought in is a Lecter-like expert to track down the would-be murderer...

...Who, in one of the better crazy twists in Simpsons history, is revealed to be Frank Grimes Jr!  Turns out Frank Snr had a taste for sex workers, one of whom bore his progeny.  Homer's reaction to the reveal - “How is ol’ Grimey?” - actually had me hooting with laughter.

Man, that was a good episode.  See?  It's not all been bad since Season Ten.

WHY I LIKE IT

This is one of those more “meta” episodes, as The Simpsons was getting to a stage where it was enough of an ongoing institution to turn the gun on itself and its own ridiculousness.

Shows have to be careful not to go to that well too many times – indeed, many see this episode as The Simpsons’ shark jump moment – and whilst it’s arguable that The Simpsons has gone beyond with it in later years, this episode and “Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie” had the benefit of novelty and were therefore serving up a target we hadn’t seen lampooned before, and indeed that we wouldn’t have believed lampoonable within the context of the show.

The structure is tight, too, with a B-plot that provides laughs but, with little potential for dovetailing with the main story, is dispensed with decisively in short order to avoid pulling focus from Grimey’s eventual breakdown.

By pointing the finger at Springfield's residents' enabling of Homer Simpson, the show allows the real world, which it has so often mirrored, inside its bubble just a little - and the results were revolutionary, and never repeated to the same effect.

Join us next time as we solve a riddle that has plagued mankind for centuries: what has four legs and ticks?