Oh dear.
Best get this finished quickly then - it's G.F. Ho-Ho-Ho-rons' guide to The Simpsons at Christmas! First up: this won't be anywhere near as good as the Halloween ones. I make no apologies - there's simply not as much material to choose from, and for the most part it's simply not as good.
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| Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac. |
NUMBER 5: "The Fight Before Christmas"
Season 22, Episode 8
First Broadcast: December 5, 2010
A CHRISTMAS STORY: We kick off with a "Treehouse of Horror" style anthology, with Bart getting a job at the North Pole to take his revenge on Santa for... Er, something (see? I told you this wasn't as good as the Halloween ones!), Marge fighting the Nazis in World War II and something to do with Martha Stewart - none of which matters as there's a section at the end with a Henson-style puppet Simpsons interacting with Katy Perry, so no-one remembers all the other bits. Yay?
X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: By default, the bit with Katy Perry, but to be honest I can't even remember that properly. NEXT!!!
SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS RATING: Moody teenage Jesus.
NUMBER 4: "'Tis The Fifteeth Season"
Season 15, Episode 7
First Broadcast: December 14, 2003
A CHRISTMAS STORY: Right, this is definitely better - Homer's selfish streak is very much in evidence as he forgets to get first Lenny, then his family, any presents, whist treating himself to a lavish talking astrolabe. But after watching a rip-off of "A Christmas Carol", he decides to mend his ways and become the nicest, most generous man he can be - until bloody Lisa ruins it all by passing on her Buddhist tendencies.
X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: "Star Trek"'s (fictional) take on "A Christmas Carol":
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| Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac. |
NUMBER 3: "Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire"
Season 1, Episode 1
First Broadcast: December 17, 1989
A CHRISTMAS STORY: Quite a lot happens in this, the first full-length episode of The Simpsons after their introduction in short form on Tracy Ullman's show, but to get to the heart of the matter: when Marge's hard-saved Christmas budget gets spent on tattoo removal for Bart, Homer works as an in-store Santa Claus to try to give the family the presents they want - but winds up with something even better...
X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: Erm... It's a bit rough if I'm honest, but I do enjoy Marge's Christmas letter - "Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's and Bart... Well, we love Bart."
SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS RATING: Baby Jesus, making his debut.
NUMBER 2: "Holidays Of Future Passed"
Season 23, Episode 9
First Broadcast: December 11, 2011
A CHRISTMAS STORY: Quoted by many as a possible planned final ever episode should the actors' pay dispute not have been ironed out, this is the 'canon' future of The Simpsons, and is a very family-focused episode, as Bart and Lisa are struggling to connect with their own children and Maggie is in labour. Luckily Homer is there to act as a bad example as usual, and there's all kind of future gubbins, including clones of Ralph Wiggum and a mind-swapped Lenny and Karl.
X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: Homer's surprisingly touching talk about being a son, and being a father: "...everyone thinks their dad's a jerk. And everyone's right. But, when you get older, you realize how much you love them. Your dad may be a little bit immature, but I know he loves you. So, you ought to give him a chance."
SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS RATING: Super Saiyan Jesus.
NUMBER 1: "Marge Be Not Proud"
Season 7, Episode 11
First Broadcast: December 17, 1995
A CHRISTMAS STORY: Yes, this was a Christmas episode! And thank Godzilla for that, as we get to talk briefly about a non-gimmicky episode which is simply good on its own merit.
Bart will stoop to any low to get "Bonestorm", the hot new beat-'em-up videogame, but when he tries to shoplift it and is caught by the store detective, Marge begins to feel she has failed as a mother, and that Bart has grown up too much to need her. But the seasonal spirit brings reconciliation, and Bart gets to "enjoy" a videogame for Christmas - "Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge".
X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: Anything to do with "Bonestorm" itself is pure, post-"Mortal Kombat" moral panic gold - but come on, it has to be this one shot...
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| Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac. |
Join us next Thursday when we'll be back in our usual routine. But until then, have a merry Christmas, everybody - and enjoy the rock 'n' roll stylings of Wild Billy Childish and The Buff Medways!
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