Everybody Up! 17 - Covers (And Pete Burns) Up The Wazoo

15. ADAM AND THE ANTS "Antmusic"

When one speaks of acts whose music provides a lift to the stoniest of hearts, Adam And The Ants need to be in that conversation.  At present I am taking solace with "Prince Charming" in my darkest times, and whilst that's all well and good for my current situation, this one's a bit more of an upbeat toe-tapper.

This song is a spiritual UK number one, much like Ultravox's aforementioned "Vienna", except that instead of Joe Dolci being the target of our ire, "Antmusic" was kept off the top spot by one John Lennon, whose massively hypocritical, hateful and nauseatingly crass "Imagine" was fired to number one around that time.

This is a fact which, much like the song, makes me want to vomit blood out of sheer rage, but can easily be explained by the timing due to it being just post-Mark Chapman.  Having had the misfortune to want to have a life during the fallout of Princess Diana's death, I know the public loves mawkish sentiment just after the death of a treasured icon, so I can at least recognise the pattern of behaviour.

Er...  Hm, I've got a bit off topic there.  Apologies.  Before I subject everyone to my usual "Republic Now!  Royals Out!" rant, I'll swing back by Mr. Ant and his music.

So this song's bloody good, and like much of their output at the time, should probably be prescribed instead of/alongside Prozac for its sheer feelgood factor.  There is the palpable sense of challenge and danger that I seem to have mentioned quite a lot in recent posts, which definitely helps things along in terms of its personal relatability for me, but overall it's the sheer joy and glee that overarches everything that really marks out this period of Antmusic as a go-to for good times.

16. DEPARTMENT S. "Solid Gold Easy Action"

We'll be closing out disk four with three covers, the first two of which directly hail back to the days of glam, starting with this song originally popularised by T.Rex back in 1972.

This version was released in December 1980 as the B-side to Department S.'s debut single, "Is Vic There?"  I must admit to having had to do some reading about the band as frankly they weren't ringing any bells - in my defence, I would have been six months old when this was released, so I think I can be forgiven for that one - and have discovered a fascinating tale of a 'fake' band got out of hand, the legendary Guns For Hire, and how they segued into this group.  Well worth a read, but I won't nick it for this entry: find it instead here if you'd like.

It's a serviceable cover, close to but not entirely overlapping the original.  I also now want to watch "Department S", the late sixties ITC series from which the band took its name; it looks pretty good, and the episode synopses call "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace" to mind, though from the little I have read I'm not sure if the earlier series was meant to be a spoof; in fact it would probably be funnier if it wasn't!

17. BAUHAUS "Ziggy Stardust"

And as night follows day, we seamlessly transition from Bolan to Bowie, and a cover of the (nearly) title track from what is arguably Bowie's most famous album by a classic 4AD goth band.  Dry ice very much akimbo in their usual work, then - and interestingly, it appears that in December 1980 (when Department S.'s "Solid Gold Easy Action" was about, remember?) they released a version of T.Rex's "Telegram Sam" as a single!  Small world, huh?

But we get this one instead, which brought them their highest charting single (number 15 UK, number 13 Ireland, pop-pickers!  Wait...  Has he been Yewtree'd yet?  I may have to withdraw that throwaway catchphrase).  I think the main accusation you can level at this effort is that it's entirely unnecessary; whereas Department S. did put a little of themselves into their effort, it seems like the opposite has happened here, and an attempt has been made to pitch the sound, vocal inflections and playing as close as possible to the original.

Which is, of course, a perfectly valid way of putting a cover version together, and you'll never find me saying otherwise - at worst it just leads to utter disposability, as has unfortunately happened here.  There is no reason for this song to exist outside of its existence itself; you can judge for yourself whether it therefore negates itself, or stands as a worthwhile artefact in its own stead.  I'll be honest, I'm not sure I can decide.

18. DEAD OR ALIVE "That's The Way (I Like It)"

And bringing proceedings to a fittingly perverse ending is this lot with a KC And The Sunshine Band cover because of course it is, why wouldn't it be?

If you've heard Dead Or Alive's most famous offering, the utter classic "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)", you know what to expect.  It is, in essence, Pete Burns informing you in no uncertain terms that he's about to have sex with you and that there is little to nothing you can do about it, set to an extremely competent electronic backing with synth horn stabs a-go go.

And there will be horn stabs a-go go, as Pete has already made very clear.  I'm pretty sure the release of these songs counts as a form of foreplay for everyone in the world, and it's the best you're going to get; so just know that he's coming for you at some stage and it's not going to be a relaxing night.  Best just lie back and think of England; it'll at least be one to tell the grandchildren about.

I can't really get tired of Dead Or Alive doing what Dead Or Alive do, so this one gets a thumbs-up from me.  And this disk?  Pretty damn good.  A real tonic after a third disk that was a bit of a struggle, despite having some definite gems on there.  Join us next time for what should be an interesting one for me, and hopefully you - disk five, which drives us through the rest of the eighties in short order into the only bits I can offer any personal historical perspective on - the nineties, perhaps predictably followed by the early 2000s.

I'm pretty hyped for it - I hope you are too!

Join us next time for...  Hang on a minute, the non-italic guy's nicked my usual bit!  Well I shan't go quietly.  How best to respond to this?...  Ah.  Of course.  It's all so obvious.

Everybody Up! 16 - It Was A Shame How He Carried On

10. JUDAS PRIEST "Take On The World"

Unfortunately the only JP number I know well is "Breaking The Law", so I'm a bit lost for what to say here, other than noting that this is a very inspiring number with a rolling drum pattern that, when combined with the motivational lyrics about, well, taking on the world, definitely links it to glam as a genre and neatly brings in the sense of youth in revolt that every 'outsider' music genre since jazz has brought to the table.

It also sounds a bit like "Fat Bottomed Girls" by Queen, which unfortunately reminds me that Queen are a bit of a damning exclusion from this set; mind you I bet it costs a packet to licence their stuff, so maybe I won't naysay too loudly on that one.

11. BONEY M. "Rasputin"

Oh, I've been looking forward to this one.  I adore a bit of Boney M., me.  From "Daddy Cool" to "Rivers Of Babylon", it's nothing but a party with the blueprint for Milli Vanilli.

(Ouch - on a side note, I just looked up Boney M. creator Frank Fabian on Wikipedia.  Beholding that photograph is like staring at the Ark Of The Covenant.  I think I've gone insane.  View it at your peril...)

Never has the murder of a controversial Russian faith healer in the early 20th century been so danceable!  It sounds like everyone involved in making this had a huge amount of fun, non-participating "frontpeople" aside, plus it predicts Zangief's ending from "Street Fighter 2" pretty accurately, which will always be welcome. 

It deftly straddles the line between charmingly nonsensical and absolutely berserk, always carrying the whiff of danger without going full-blown "Crazy Horses" - not, of course, that there is anything wrong with "Crazy Horses", as we covered in an earlier entry; it's just that twice in five disks for that level of intensity is quite a stretch for the human brain.

In short, it's just so, so fun on a completely unintellectual level, and there's simply not enough of that about to enjoy these days.

12. GENERATION X "Valley Of The Dolls"

Are you ready?...  Oh, sorry; that was D-Generation X.  I've been watching too much Raw Is War from 1998 lately.  It makes my want to gesture repeatedly to my crotch, let fly with some outrageous innuendo and tell everyone I have two words for them, and then what those two words are.  I've got the former two down but our HR department tell me the latter is a sackable offence, so I'd best get back to the matter in hand.

So: enter Sir Billy Idol, perhaps the most perfect encapsulation of a rock star ever portrayed.  Sneeringly confident but impeccably pretty, full of piss and vinegar but still available and potentially tameable, a renegade you could take home to your mum (well, MY mum, anyway), and full of great tunes.

You cannot seriously sit there and tell me "White Wedding", "Dancing With Myself" and "Rebel Yell" aren't absolute class.  Well, you can, but I wouldn't hear you as I'm not there.  Which is probably for the best, as you'd only be subjected to much ranting if I did hear you.  So count yourself lucky, bub.  Unfortunately this one isn't quite as good as the aforementioned three, but it's still damn good.

And as a fan of Russ Meyer's film-making, it only remains for me to shoehorn in a plug for his magnum opus "Beyond The Valley Of The Dolls" - the one with tits AND a plot, not that there's anything innately wrong with either element in isolation.

13. THE HUMAN LEAGUE "Rock 'n' Roll/Nightclubbing"

Another lesson in how to reference, but not feature, an excommunicated pivotal figure here.  The Human League's version of [redacted]'s 1972 single, as released on their "Holiday '80" EP as part of a medley with the not-yet-too-disgraced Iggy Pop's Berlin gem "Nightclubbing", is very much of their output at the time - driving, icy, flat yet exciting, stark and arresting.

The version of the latter is slightly more disappointing in the sense that it's almost handled with too much respect, and the apple doesn't fall far enough from the tree to make an interesting variation on the original - aside from some of the League's usual soundscape quirks, which aren't themselves that far from Bowie and Visconti's glacial take on the original, this is as close to a straight take as you're going to get.

Perhaps whereas "Rock 'n' Roll" sat so far outside of their scope in terms of instrumentation and execution, they had to have a proper go at bringing it into their space, "Nightclubbing" was more of a direct influence, and needing less work just naturally fell into its usual state.  Either way, it's not bad, and the juxtaposition of the two pieces certainly make for an interesting tonal shift - so probably better not to complain.

14. MAGAZINE "The Light Pours Out Of Me"

Well, this is a good run, isn't it? 

Howard Devoto was the original and best lead singer for the Buzzcocks, but gibbed them off after their first single to start Magazine, a more musically expansive band than the aforementioned (still really very good) combo, and with results like this you'd have to say he made the right choice; straight up punk rock isn't for everyone, after all, which I sometimes struggle to remember.

This is a great track, all told, and you can hear the glam in the shuffle of the drums and the insistence of the guitar riff.  In fact at this stage I am entirely convinced of the strength of early glam's influence on punk and new wave; before you had your Bay City Rollers and Muds and whatnot bringing the image into a more mainstream sphere, you had Bowie and Bolan as outsiders, plus Slade and Mott as hard rockers, and much of their style was carried forward in slightly more brutal fashion by the '76-'79 wave.

So really, this is all point proved on the part of the compilation itself.  And the tracks we've discussed in this entry may well be the best selection to show the wide ranging influence that glam had - we've touched on metal, disco, punk, electronica and new wave this week, and we're unlikely to see that kind of range again soon.  But there's still some real good tracks to come, so why not stay with us on our epic quest, given that it is nearly 80% done?  Seriously - I insist.

Join us next time for some ants.

Everybody Up! 15 - 1234!

5. RAMONES "Sheena Is A Punk Rocker"

GO!  Yes, it is they - the dysfunctional non-family of mushroom heads, bringing their usual mix of fire, venom and sunshine.  What are they singing about?  Who cares!  Why on earth would that matter?  This is the first Ramones song I ever heard, and despite not quite being as immediately iconic as "Blitzkrieg Bop" it will always have a special place in my heart for that simple quirk of temporal fate.

I return to this track on a semi-regular basis - the last time during an almighty hangover inflicted by my team's 2014 Christmas Party, when it gave me the power to go straight out drinking again after a single yoghurt - and it is a semi-spiritual ritual for me, like returning to the primordial soup, or (and this is slightly more me, I think you'll agree) watching a repeat of a Michael Schumacher win.

On a final note, the greatest compliment I can pay them is this: when I listen to the Ramones - and I don't do as often as I should - it does not seem necessary for any other music or bands to exist.  It is a privilege to finally get to say that to a (slightly) wider audience.

6. THE RAH BAND "The Crunch"

"The Crunch", now, is it?  I remember when it was all "The Bump" around here...

The RAH Band are actually just one man: Richard Anthony Hewson (geddit?), who played all the instruments on this song but was better known as an arranger, including on some Beatles songs such as "The Long And Winding Road", for which he's probably much better known. 

There's apparently no synths on this, which is quite impressive given the range of sounds we have here.  Let's see what else they/he did...  Holy shit, did he do "Clouds Across The Moon" too?  I loved that one when I was knee high to a grasshopper.

(Goes off to listen to that instead)

7. ROCK FOLLIES "OK?"

Wow, where to start here?  So there was a television programme called "Rock Follies" - then "Rock Follies of '77", though I can never remember when they changed the name, ha ha - which followed a rock band called The Little Ladies, one of whom was played by Rula Lenska from "Resurrection of the Daleks"!...  And probably some other stuff...

Anyway, the soundtracks were written and produced by Andy Mackay of Roxy Music, lending yet more credence to its inclusion here.  They were not released under the Little Ladies moniker - mainly because they weren't real, I guess.  But the real surprise here is that this a pretty engaging tune, which definitely merits your ears' attentions.

So for all the slightly bizarre backstory, this is well worth a listen.  Funnily enough, a song written by professional song writers for performance by extremely talented session musicians is a recipe for general goodness.  Who could have seen that one coming?

8. ULTRAVOX! "ROckWrok"

Yes, that exclamation mark is factually correct.  For what we have here, well pre-"Vienna", is the John Foxx fronted version of the band that Midge Ure, who once played guitar for Thin Lizzy in a twist that I find endlessly fascinating and confusing, would later take to the dizzying heights of number two, kept from the top spot by Joe Dolce's "Shaddap You Face".

On a side note, I hate the British public.

In fact this track is entirely Ure-free, and a lot more punk than the smoother electronic output they would become synonymous with thanks to the success of "Vienna".  There's also some naughty lyrics, which somehow didn't stop it getting played on Radio One - which nearly brings me back to Rage Against The Machine for the second week on the trot, so let's move on before someone waves a disapproving finger at me.

9. ACE FREHLEY "New York Groove"

Remember when I told you we'd be hearing from Hello again, sort of?  The prophecy has come to light, and all the planets are in alignment; that must be why The Spaceman has returned to rock 'n' roll all nite, and party ev-er-y day!!!...  Or, in this case, not.

From a period of Kisstory so luridly bloated that all four members released solo albums on the same day in 1978, this track was the only hit single to come out of it, and indeed Mr Frehley's album was marginally the most successful, so at least we're at the rich end of the affair. 

I haven't looked it up - I won't look it up, I don't feel the need to - but I confidently predict Peter Criss' would have been the least successful, as he was The Catman, and was therefore too busy shedding hair of the opposite colour to the garment I am wearing directly on to the garment I am wearing to record a quality album.

It's not the best in this selection - that's the Ramones, of course, as if I have to make that any clearer at this point - but it is a perfectly serviceable, well, groove, I guess.  Very strutty.  I'll take it.

Join us next time as we take a flick through (a) Magazine, Boney an M and...  Hm.  This particular conceit was ill-conceived.  Well...  Smell ya later, anyway.

Hear All About It: Code Break "Code Break EP"

Bloody hell - a post that ISN'T about glam rock?  Well, stranger things have happened.  And here's a bunch of reprobates who deserve a cock of your ear.

Liverpool is fast getting a reputation as the UK's go-to place for grassroots punk and hardcore music (yes, I hear you London; come back when I give a damn).  With a varied range of cheap, cheerful and friendly venues such as the awesome Maguire's Pizza Bar, Sound Food and Drink - when it reopens, anyway - and The Zanzibar Club, there's plenty of places for bands to carve out an identity in streets which echo (And The Bunnymen?) with the names of luminaries gone by: Big In Japan, Deaf School, The Crucial Three, Aeris Presley...  OK, maybe not the last one...

And right now we have The Down And Outs, The No Marks, Good Grief (the band, not the statement of frustration)...  White Blacula/Zombina And The Skeletones' horror stomp is still packing them in, whilst the masked destroyers that are Spanish Announce Team break the tables and Fort Baxter, despite perhaps not being the most outwardly punk rock of the lot of them, will be a name to watch for the future - they can hang with the best of them.  Also, Awesome Frankenstein's Monster are coming.  You heard it here first.

But today we speak of CODE BREAK.  Showing a heavy influence from the harDCore scene of '79 onwards plus Black Flag, Dead Kennedys and on into grindcore, whilst staying the right side of powerviolence (see?  I know my fucking subgenres!) and sugar-coasting the chaos with a deceptively melodic edge, they have much to say about the frustrations of modern life, as well as Billy Mitchell and wrestling.  And this is the perfect time for me to bring them to your attention, as they have merch to shill.

Pictured: some merch.

The "Code Break" EP features four tracks: the breathless stomp of "Into The Sea", the storming "Moving Targets", the downright berserk, furiously boiling "On Hold" and the classic quiet/loud dynamic of "The Last Stop".  Hear it - grab it - love it.  And come up and see them some time, it's a hell of a show.

You can catch Code Break at their Bandcamp page, and grab a CD or cassette (with free download code) of this EP while you can as supplies are limited, or download their earlier EPs "Brokedown Town" and "Falling Down" (great Michael Douglas pic by the way, lads!) here, or be their bezzy mates via The Facebook here.

Everybody Up! 14 - You Know Her, With The Fish-Eating Grin

DISC FOUR

1. BLONDIE "Rip Her To Shreds"

"Fish-eating grin?  Is that really what you wanted to say?"

"...No."

What does one expect from Blondie?  Being musical magpies who appropriated the best bits of every genre they came across, from punk, new wave and reggae to pop, disco, 60's girl group sounds and the nascent hip hop movement, it's pretty difficult to pigeonhole them, which is a wonderful thing to be able to say about a band.

Personally I don't think you can beat "Hanging On The Telephone", but here's a curio from their  early days, just after their first flush of success in Australia with the wrong song (don't ask; actually, no, do ask, it's a funny story).  It's a cool little tune, but my God: the lyrics.

This song consists of a single, total character assassination - in fact, character decimation would be more appropriate a term, so completely is this person carpet-bombed for their every trait, with every possible imperfection highlighted, explored, ridiculed and amplified.  I have long wondered who this was written about - A love rival?  A member of a rival band? A portmanteau of types they weren't keen on? - but I think there's little to gain for anyone by that being revealed.

A look at a more rough-and-ready, genre-appropriate Blondie here then - and absolute proof that you do NOT fuck with Debbie Harry, as she will rip you to shreds.

2. BE-BOP DELUXE "Ships In The Night"

I can honestly say this left no impression on me whatsoever.  I mean, I'm sat here listening to it now, and it's just not registering.  It's like it refuses to enter my ears, or if it does some part of my brain is refusing to process the sounds into anything tangible.

I suppose it's a little bit like...  No, I can't even do something that vague.  I was about to say it was third rate sub-Bowie, but I think that's just because I may have heard a saxophone, which reminded me of "Black Tie, White Noise".

Ah, there's like an ascending bit now!  Could be building to an exciting section...  Oh.  It's finished.

On the plus side, YouTube is now playing me "This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us" by Sparks.  That's a biiiiig tick right there.

3. THE RUNAWAYS "Cherry Bomb"

Now here is something very special indeed.  On face value and unheard you'd be forgiven for passing this one by.  After all, plenty of bands sing of teenage kicks and disenfranchisement, and some of them are even girls, shock horror!

But it is the sheer glee with which this is communicated that sets this apart from other anthems of transgression; it's infectious, it's giddy, it makes you want to disrespect authority and cut loose.  See, Zack De La Rocha?  THAT'S how you do it; po-faced rebellion is no rebellion at all, give me the thrill of unbridled, three-chord anarchy any day.

Apparently I'm not the only one with a soft spot a mile wide for this piece, as it has featured in everything from SUDA51's masterpiece of kitsch "Lollipop Chainsaw" to Marvel Comics' "Guardians Of The Galaxy", so to be fair you've probably come across it and formed an opinion already.  If you haven't, and you're looking for anything from simple punk thrills to an alternative feminist anthem, this is your good time, right here.

4. ELECTRIC LIGHT ORCHESTRA "Rockaria!"

It was all going so well...  Another one I pre-scouted via vintage TOTP on BBC4 (are you watching?  You should be...), here are the ELO, previously known mainly to me through the Scarfo single "ELO", which actually has nothing to do with the ELO, other than being called "ELO".

Big glam points for these guys, as they used to include Roy Wood from Wizzard, though he was well departed by this stage.  This was also released before their magnum opus "Mr Blue Sky", which was released the year after and was the only good thing about "Love And Monsters" - so essentially we witness ELO between the bits where they would have interested me.

It's not really up my street, but it does show the sheer width of the vision that the band dared to conceive of.  There's nothing wrong with spreading your wings, and plenty right with reaching beyond conventional taste and style, so there's plenty for me to applaud here, even if I don't necessarily appreciate the product itself.

Phew, actually managed a proper post there!  Will wonders never cease?

Join us next time for a band that aren't a band, brothers that aren't brothers and Ultravox! that isn't Ultravox.  All this and nearly three more.  Well, two.  It's nearly three.

Everybody Up! 13 - OWWWWWW!

This instalment has been cancelled due to the loss of an entire article thanks to a slip of the fingers.  It would have included the following items:

* "Glass Of Champagne" by Sailor, a perfectly passable upbeat pop song that sounds a bit like a cut-price Roxy Music but features a really annoying pronunciation of the word "champagne";

* A quick chat about Ian Hunter's lengthy and fascinating career, including some speculation about whether much would have changed if Mott The Hoople had taken "Suffragette City" as originally offered rather than "All The Young Dudes" (the track on the disk is "Once Bitten, Twice Shy", by the way);

* A discussion of The Arrows' boring version of "I Love Rock 'n' Roll", and how Joan Jett's screaming on her version really livens up the dullest part of the song;

* A review of "Saturday Night" by Suede rather than "Saturday Night" by The Bay City Rollers, which is rubbish.

And that's disk three.  Disk four's pretty good though so amble back next week, by which time I may have regained the will to type.

Blah blah blah picture of a weasel:

Join us next time when we will be telling you why you do NOT fuck with Debbie Harry and segueing into the punk years with some belting girl power.  Seriously, it'll be way better than this post!

Everybody Up! 12 - And Party Ev-Er-Y Day

Before I start, I have to weigh in on the great debate that has rent Britain in twain over the last few weeks. 

People, good people that I know and love, on both sides of this cataclysmic divide are engaging in increasingly acidic and bitter attacks on each other just for their simple, one-word answer to a single question, leading to a fracturing of the public psyche on an unprecedented scale.

I mean it's really lucky that there isn't something going on that the Government wants to distract everyone from *cough* Tony Blair Iraq enquiry *cough*, so there's no harm done at present, but we need to heal this rift as quickly as possible, so we can continue to practice democracy and move as a force to keep our politicians honest, and remind them exactly who they work for.

And in response to those who have clamoured to hear what side of the fence I fall on - all three of you - and at risk of further stoking the fires, I say this, and only this:

Donuts are a breakfast food. 

Period.  Now let's come back together and move on, everyone.

9. KENNY "The Bump"

Tempting as it is to make a South Park joke here, we should at least try to give this song a serious, critical review, such as is deserving of all melodic works.

So, here we go with a Bay City Rollers b-side - oh, what a great start there - by a band originally called Chufff, and yes, as far a I can tell there was a third "f", who were apparently completely different to this before they were discovered by some songwriters who gifted them four hits.  And off they went, for a bit, and then they stopped.  The circle of life, there.

I find this particular offering pretty annoying.  Patterned after the dance fad of the same name, it doesn't seem to do much but extol the virtue of doing the bump, in a really patronising "look!  All the cool kids are doing it!" kind of way.  Well, I'm no conformist, so these guys can all just fade away.

By the way, you STILL haven't thanked me for linking you to The Exciters' version of "Tell Him" two posts ago.  You're fucking welcome.  That's the last time I help you out.

10. THE RUBETTES "Sugar Baby Love"

OK, I have two possible points of entry here:

1) The song "The Rubettes" by The Auteurs, which mentions this particular song in its mighty chorus, and was the first time I heard this song or band referred to.  When the song was used in an advert not long after, I was able to put two and two together and realise what I was listening to.

This makes this the second post in a row to mention a Luke Haines song.  Hello, Luke!  "British Nuclear Bunkers" was great, a real return to good form.  Could we please have an album of actual songs next time, though?  With no overarching concept or plot?  Cheers, mate!  Much appreciated.

2) In Yoyogi Park in Tokyo, near the fashionable Harajuku district, the rockabilly gangs gather each Sunday, be-quiffed and clad in black leather, dancing round their record players and trying to out-rocker each other.

When I was privileged to witness this unique culture collision, likely inspired by the American occupation of the country post-WWII, one of the gangs played this song.  I hope they were doing so ironically as the diabetes-inducing bubblegum pop really, really didn't fit with the image.

Which would you prefer?

11. FOX "Only You Can"

Now these are a band I've been interested in since I saw them on classic Top Of The Pops on BBC4 a few years ago; in fact if memory serves, they opened the first episode that was repeated on what was then Top Of The Pops 1976, with their then-top twenty hit "S-S-Single Bed", which was quite the earworm.

(As with all these things, memory might not actually serve and I could be totally wrong.)

Based on that, and this, they probably could have done better, with an innate instinct for a tune and  the never less than coquettish Noosha Fox out front, but...  Well, a number five hit isn't something to be sniffed at I suppose.  At least it was back then, anyway.  So...  Yay? 

You be the judge.  Frankly I'm still pissed too off about that Exciters affair to spoonfeed you.

12. KISS "Rock And Roll All Nite"

Alright, now we're talking!  Here's one of a handful of acts on here that I saw on the tracklist and went, "is this really glam?  I mean the outfits, for sure, but really, musically?"  And came out of it going, "Yes.  Yes, this works.  This is glam."

Plus: it's Kiss!  The world-famous spectacle from Detroit, Michigan!  The face-painted, bleeding, fire-breathing masters of bombastic stadium rock and splitting up a bit and replacing members, because they're just characters!  And, oh the characters: the terrifying Demon!  The cosmic Starchild!  The also-cosmic Spaceman!  And The Catman, who chases little balls of silver paper around the floor!

(There are two others but no-one really cares about The Fox and Ankh Wizard...  Ankh Man Egyptian...  Wizard Something...  Dude?)

Seriously, if you can't be moved by weapons-grade rock 'n' roll like this, you are dead, man.  Dead.  Even though I probably only get to properly party down ev-er-y couple of weeks in these twilight years, this is still a mandatory part of said soundtrack when the time comes around.

And now it's time for Battlestar Galactica Forum...  Where's me Cylon helmet?

Join us next time for a glass of champay-yin, why Joan Jett screaming like a harpy is the smartest move in rock 'n' roll and a Suede single from 1996.  Oh, I should be so lucky...  Wait, that was someone else.

Everybody Up! 11 - In Which We Say "Piss" An Awful Lot

5. BRYAN FERRY "The 'In' Crowd"

Byron Ferrari is BACK!  Shorn temporarily of Roxy Music, this is Bryan committing full-on, all-out, balls to the wall to his lounge lizard persona - a bit of an odd jump for the undeniably working class miner's son, and therefore one that needs this level of absolute commitment; living the gimmick, like a suave, sophisticated Undertaker.

Once again this is a cover, which shows how many of the iconic songs of this era were repurposed from older days, but it's made so much the artist's own that I find it impossible to associate it with anyone else.  Mind you, Ferry was really pumping out the covers at this stage; indeed, his first two solo albums are entirely composed of covers, which would be an unusual step nowadays.  Back then?  Not so much.

The only further thing I would say is that it's an odd inclusion given we could have had another Roxy Music one on here instead - "Love Is The Drug", anyone?  Or do I just like that because Kylie covered it? - but by odd, by no means do I mean unwelcome.

6. PATTI SMITH "Piss Factory"

Get down and get with it, for this uptempo toe-tapper about...  Erm...  A urine manufacturing plant?  OK, whatever.

Given that this is piss-weak performance poetry - hey, maybe that's what the factory was manufacturing?  I mean, she *did* work there and all - I nodded off a couple of times throughout and thought it best to have a read of the lyrics.  And my interpretation thereof comes down, in essence, to this:

* Patti has a job;
* Patti does not like the job;
* Patti wishes to tell her superiors to stick said job;
* Patti is moving to New York to be a star.

Well, good for Patti.  Fingers crossed for Patti.  Patti can also fuck right off.  I'm bloody sick of hearing creative types banging on about escaping the nine to five - Sleater-Kinney were the last band to annoy me with that behaviour, and their records have been banished to the 'Never Play' list.

Because whilst some may hear this as a clarion call, an example to impressionable young minds to jack it all in, move to a now-unsustainable life in a huge urban sprawl and try desperately to be noticed, an ant in a pile of identical ants, I only see the intense patronisation of the 'normal' human life in a capitalist society; the idea that they're all squares, wage slaves, salarymen and women, propping up the machine, maaan.

Some of us don't have the opportunity to leave the piss factory, Patti.  Still more only get as far as the piss office or the piss shop.  A few of us run our own piss businesses, some get stuck on the piss dole, a lucky few might get enough piss qualifications to go and work at the piss hospital or fly a piss plane.  And none of them are any better or worse than you, in your piss band with your pretentious poetry and your eventual pop sellout.

And the song?  Well, that's the only thing that isn't piss in this whole affair.  It's shit. 

Ahem.  Rant over.  Time to get off my piss soapbox and back to the music.

7. COCKNEY REBEL "Tumbling Down"

A much more engaging and heartfelt entry than when last we joined them just two short posts ago (keep up, slowpokes!), "Tumbling Down" is sonically much closer to the one Cockney Rebel song everyone remembers, "Make Me Smile (Come Up And See Me)", although by the time that was recorded the band was shorn of most personnel aside from Steve Harley.

I thought I had heard this light, dramatic, mournful offering before, but couldn't place where.  Turns out it's one of the songs they used in flop glam retrospective drama "Velvet Goldmine", for the 'Bowie' character who isn't Bowie because he refused to let them use his name or songs.  Nice to know someone profited from that particular opportunity!

8. THE GLITTER BAND "Angel Face"

"#Gary Glitter, he's a bad bad man/ruining the reputation of The Glitter Band..." - Luke Haines, "Bad Reputation"

Ah.  It seems, both inevitably and unfortunately, that we have reached the point where we can no longer avoid dredging up that name.  A bold choice by the compiler then, though we must bear in mind that The Glitter Band (formerly The Glittermen, latterly The G Band) were the person in question's live backing band only, with the records being handled separately to all members save occasional interjections from the horn section.

And you know what, this song isn't bad at all.  It's very glam-by-numbers, but in doing so it hits all the right places - it may be overtly familiar as a genre piece, but it's a superior offering, clearly made by more-than-competent musicians, so it's never a chore to listen to.

But let this be a lesson to all of us to choose your friends, and where possible your collaborators and colleagues, very carefully - lest you be caught in the fallout of fatally toxic reputational damage.  Still, "Goodbye My Love": it's a hell of a record...

Join us next time for some foxy goings-on, a ton of greasepaint and an example of the Japanese getting it very, very wrong.

Everybody Up! 10 - The Jook's On You

DISK THREE

1. SPARKS "This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us"

Now, THIS is music.  Genuinely startlingly fantastic - although some of that startling comes from the gunshot sound effect right near the start, that after so many listens as to count as near-infinite, I still for some reason am not ever expecting, causing me to leap out of my skin in public on a regular basis, to my eternal embarrassment.

The music twists, turns and trills through a number of genuinely unexpected and compelling episodes, with Russell Mael's voice soaring majestically above it, conveying the snowballing desperation of the protagonist.

Anyone who thinks pop music cannot be ambitious, intelligent or challenging needs to have this injected into their brain as abruptly as possible; for that is exactly what this is: pop with a brain, heart and balls, streets ahead of today's non-stop parade of hyper-sexualised R and/or B.

There's every risk our children's children will never experience the rush of hearing new music with this heady combination.  Surely, we can't let things go this way?  Surely better heads must prevail, and turn back the tide of disposable pop?

In short: won't somebody please think of the children?

2. HELLO "Tell Him"

Is there a less imaginative band name than this?  (Yes: "The Band", you fucking idiot - Ed)

Heralded by about the most identikit glam rock intro ever, this is a cover of a 1963 song by a band by the name of The Exciters.  And...  It's OK.  It's a good song, but maybe the performance and the sideways shift into a very regimented glam rhythm has damaged it a little, as the original song is actually pretty damn good, but really suits the more spacious arrangement, and this just doesn't work quite as well.

In fact, why not just listen to the original.  You can thank me later:

Here's one for you, though: we'll be hearing another Hello song later, but not their version thereof.  See if you can spot it.

3. MUD "Tiger Feet"

Now here's a track you'll often find on glam/70's/classic rock/dad compilations, so it's only appropriate that I type this on Father's Day.  Hello, Paul, if you're reading this.  I'm going to wager that you don't like this song.

If I'm rambling on about things other than the song, you'll already know that I have naff all to say about this one.  I think it's due to the repeated inclusion on compilations, and television programmes about the best and worst of the 70's, that I'm suffering from Tiger Feet apathy, unable to add anything of interest about it - we all surely know there was a special dance, for instance.

So I'm going to rip off the fact from the (very nice, classy) book that accompanies the compilation, as it's quite an interesting one: the song was written by glam rock writers de jour Nicky Chinn and Mike Chapman, keeping another of their songs (The Sweet's "Teenage Rampage") off the top spot, and eventually being replaced by "Devil Gate Drive" - performed by Suzi Fruit-Flavoured Carbonated Drink, but written by, you guessed it, Chinn and Chapman.  There's nice for them.

4. THE JOOK "Bish Bash Bosh"

I'm not familiar with the kind of thing I just typed; I don't even know those words, but in a different order...  Well, maybe "bash".  So I've experienced something new today.  Usually good when that happens.

OK, let's dive in with both feet...  "#She's sweet sixteen"?  Well that's a bit of a bad first line, particularly in context of later events.  That the ensuing song appears to be about "easy" girls really doesn't help its case, and the sub-Status Quo racket that accompanies it fails to snap, crackle and pop in any meaningful way.

This does appear to be considered a 'proto-punk' record in hindsight, but it fails to chime with me I fear; however, to give us an excellently odd full circle moment, it appears that two members of this band went on to join - wait for it - Sparks!  So that town really wasn't big enough for both of them...  (cymbal crash, groans)

Join us next time when, having executed our closing joke-writers, we will meet Byron Ferrari once again, visit a piss factory and try not to mention you-know-who.

Everybody Up! 9 - In Which Bowie Is Covered, Yet Again

16. ALVIN STARDUST "My Coo Ca Choo"

Now here's a name you never see anymore.  Dare I say that, as one of the people most synonymous with the genre, he may have been a victim of the public's extremely justified horror around the actions of a fellow high-profile glam rocker.

It is a shame really, as Mr Stardust - not that one - was a magnetic figure at the time, and actually did good business on the nostalgia circuit up until his inevitable end.  Ignoring for a second that this record isn't actually performed by him (apparently he wasn't the first Alvin Stardust OR the first Shane Fenton), it is an iconic hit that will forever be associated with the man himself, whoever in fact he is.

I am therefore happy to report that this is a cracking tune.  A great little groove here, admittedly repetitive, but when you have bare bones this good there's no point in shoving extraneous sections in to make it more 'interesting' - it's interesting enough as it is.  More like this, please!

17. LULU "The Man Who Sold The World"

Alright, let's be as fair as we can be about this: this version was about as Bowie-endorsed as it possibly could be, so there was some quality control going on.  The public certainly liked it, the single peaking at number 3 in the UK.  And - importantly - it's better and less disposable than Dana Gillespie's "Andy Warhol" from two entries ago.

The main problem isn't even that the Bowie version is better, although at the time arguably not better known, than this one; it's those bloody Nirvana scamps who retrospectively made a rock for this version's back.

For when a certain blue-eyed, charmingly vulnerable, unwilling poster boy for a somewhat greasy-haired generation gazed up into the camera, acoustic guitar on lap (though it was creating a suspiciously fuzzbox-ish sound at the time), and a hundred thousand hearts broke for the tragic creature for whom fame was just too cruel, Lulu's version was pinned with a 3rd place ribbon and handed its metaphorical coat.

Does the job, though.  And it's better than Midge Ure's version.

18. MICK RONSON "Growing Up And I'm Fine"

In recent documentaries about the end of the Spiders From Mars, it was said that Mick Ronson was, if not in on it, then at least aware of Bowie's planned announcement of the end of the band that fateful night at the Hammersmith Odeon.  He was allegedly asked to keep quiet on a promise that his career would get the Bowie treatment next - the sky's the limit, fame and fortune, and so forth.

For whatever reason that didn't quite work out, to the point where even a Bowie obsessive such as myself had not found his output high-profile enough to have a listen to.  Reader: based on this evidence, I was a fool.  A fully justified, extremely handsome fool.

It's brilliant, to the point where my jaw legitimately dropped on first listen.  From the low-key piano intro, through Ronson's tale of moving on from his years as a teenage ne'er-do-well with the power of love, into a stomping chorus worthy of the closing titles of...  Something.  Anything, surely - this is sheer, unadulterated class.  Seek it out.

19. COCKNEY REBEL "Judy Teen"

In an odd phenomenon that often happens when I listen to music of a certain vintage, I spent a fair while wondering what this had ripped off that I already knew, and realised it was two songs that were released after this one!  Bloody time, eh?  Flexing like a whore... 

(Hang on, that's not on this album.  Damn.  It should be.)

The verse of this song that is essentially Adam And The Ants' "Prince Charming" with a slight calypso lilt, and there are shades of the vocal delivery in These Animal Men's "New Wave Girl", probably my least favourite song by that particular combo.

It's a bit of a whimper to end a disk on, and one that's been pretty damn solid all in all.  However we will be hearing from Cockney Rebel again soon, one of only two complete acts to make two appearances (T. Rex being the other), so they will have a chance to atone for their mediocrity.  Otherwise I can think of a certain Rock 'n' Roll Hall that will be accepting them very soon.

End of Disk Two! At this point we're largely through the "pure glam" section, and with approximately 60% of the collection left, we've doubtlessly got a few surprises coming up.  So please join us, why not, for the next instalment!

Disk two is in the books!  Join us next time for the start to disk three, which features "This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us" by Sparks.  And nothing else it contains can possibly matter, as it features "This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us" by Sparks.