Thursday, December 28, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Eighteen - “Homer S. – Portrait of an Assgrabber”

Season 6, Episode 9
“Homer Badman”
First Broadcast: November 27, 1994

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Homer scores tickets to the Candy Trade Show, and opts to take Marge as his date to enable the carriage of the maximum amount of free candy.  This necessitates the hiring of a babysitter, who due to a mix-up involving a priceless Gummi Venus De Milo becoming stuck to her behind, believes (quite properly, given the apparent evidence) that she has been groped.  Homer doesn’t really have a leg to stand on given the obscure and seemingly unprovable nature of his defence, coupled with his immediate consumption of the Gummi.

The media smells blood and has a field day, flooding the local news with half-truths about Homer’s sex life and sleeping arrangements.  In desperation after being stitched up on an investigative news programme, the family fights fire with fire by purchasing screen time on an obscure television channel, but Homer’s protestations of innocence are met with nought but a kick in the face from a man riding a Penny Farthing.

Luckily Groundskeeper Willie is able to save the day, revealing that in the manner of “every single Scottish person”, he illicitly taped Homer’s Gummi removal, giving them the proof needed to clear his name.  Homer then settles down to watch his saviour, now rechristened “Rowdy Roddy Peeper”, take a shellacking on the same investigative news programme, revealing that he has learned nothing from his ordeal.


The protestors’ catchy chant: “2, 4, 6, 8, Homer’s crime was very great!”

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.
“Simpson scandal update: Homer sleeps nude in an oxygen tent which he believes gives him sexual powers!”  “HEY!  That’s a half-truth!”

Homer's description of sexual harassment to the children, including the grey area that is the dog in the Coppertone advert - which I just looked up and oh dear God what were they thinking?

This is next level stuff - this episode has the fantastic parody of “Under The Sea” from Disney’s “The Little Mermaid”:


Kent Brockman, hacky local news anchor and current affairs frontman, first appeared back in Season One's "Krusty Gets Busted".  Despite winning a fortune on the lottery in Season Three's "Dog Of Death" and his many on-screen meltdowns, tantrums and walk-outs, plus his affair with Stephanie the Weather Girl being the talk of the town, he continues to work at Channel 6.

He eventually got his standard 'side character focus' episode in Season Eighteen's "You Kent Always Say What You Want", which was also the series' 400th episode.  He was fired from Channel 6 for on-air swearing in that episode, and rebuilt his career from the ground up via the Internet, none of which matters as I am mentioning him only so I can publish my favourite Simpsons screengrab, from "Deep Space Homer":

Meme Hail Ants
Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via memes.
As for Rowdy Roddy Peeper himself, Groundskeeper Willie…  Let’s put it this way: Edna Krabappel herself tells Bart “I'm not even gonna tell you what that guy's into” in "Bart The Lover", so I will be doing no further digging.  Besides, he’s a pervert who tapes people!  Rock Bottom said so…  He shares a shame with Kent though, in having an episode focused on him that is a pretty rubbish later season affair - Season Seventeen's "My Fair Laddy".


First up: sexual assault is NOT funny.  As someone who’s suffered more than one uninvited groping from busy-handed pederasts and lecherous peers, I did have reservations about writing this one up, opting for inclusion on the argument of the incident itself being framed well enough to just about absolve Homer of any deliberate wrongdoing.

The comedy in this episode comes from the media circus and their decent upon the family, Homer’s shell-shocked crawl through the wreckage of his long held values as television – the one constant in his life – seemingly turns on him, and most pointedly, his immediate literal re-embracing of television, showing that he has not, and essentially will never, change his ingrained ways.

So we have an on-point skewering of local and national news media, journalistic bias, an explosion at a candy convention AND an improv comedian imaging the offspring of Mr. T and E.T. - and who can turn all that down?

Join us next time for steamed hams…  You thought we were having steamed clams?  Oh no, I said, “steamed hams.”  That what I call hamburgers.

Sunday, December 24, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Extra Credit 3 - Merry Christmas!

Chestnuts roasting on an open fiiiire...  Hang on, I don't have an open fire...

Oh dear.

Best get this finished quickly then - it's G.F. Ho-Ho-Ho-rons' guide to The Simpsons at Christmas!  First up: this won't be anywhere near as good as the Halloween ones.  I make no apologies - there's simply not as much material to choose from, and for the most part it's simply not as good.

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.
However, I *love* me some Christmas.  It's my favourite time of year, so if I've got an ongoing regular series, you bet your sweet...  ASS that I'll be marking it with a quick post.  So let's have a good old look at my top five, eh?  Come on, it's Christmas Eve.  You've got bollocks all else to do.

NUMBER 5: "The Fight Before Christmas"
Season 22, Episode 8
First Broadcast: December 5, 2010

A CHRISTMAS STORY: We kick off with a "Treehouse of Horror" style anthology, with Bart getting a job at the North Pole to take his revenge on Santa for...  Er, something (see?  I told you this wasn't as good as the Halloween ones!), Marge fighting the Nazis in World War II and something to do with Martha Stewart - none of which matters as there's a section at the end with a Henson-style puppet Simpsons interacting with Katy Perry, so no-one remembers all the other bits.  Yay?

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: By default, the bit with Katy Perry, but to be honest I can't even remember that properly.  NEXT!!!


NUMBER 4: "'Tis The Fifteeth Season"
Season 15, Episode 7
First Broadcast: December 14, 2003

A CHRISTMAS STORY: Right, this is definitely better - Homer's selfish streak is very much in evidence as he forgets to get first Lenny, then his family, any presents, whist treating himself to a lavish talking astrolabe.  But after watching a rip-off of "A Christmas Carol", he decides to mend his ways and become the nicest, most generous man he can be - until bloody Lisa ruins it all by passing on her Buddhist tendencies.

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: "Star Trek"'s (fictional) take on "A Christmas Carol":

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

NUMBER 3: "Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire"
Season 1, Episode 1
First Broadcast: December 17, 1989

A CHRISTMAS STORY: Quite a lot happens in this, the first full-length episode of The Simpsons after their introduction in short form on Tracy Ullman's show, but to get to the heart of the matter: when Marge's hard-saved Christmas budget gets spent on tattoo removal for Bart, Homer works as an in-store Santa Claus to try to give the family the presents they want - but winds up with something even better...

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: Erm...  It's a bit rough if I'm honest, but I do enjoy Marge's Christmas letter - "Maggie is walking by herself, Lisa got straight A's and Bart...  Well, we love Bart."

SWEET LITTLE BABY JESUS RATING: Baby Jesus, making his debut.

NUMBER 2: "Holidays Of Future Passed"
Season 23, Episode 9
First Broadcast: December 11, 2011

A CHRISTMAS STORY: Quoted by many as a possible planned final ever episode should the actors' pay dispute not have been ironed out, this is the 'canon' future of The Simpsons, and is a very family-focused episode, as Bart and Lisa are struggling to connect with their own children and Maggie is in labour.  Luckily Homer is there to act as a bad example as usual, and there's all kind of future gubbins, including clones of Ralph Wiggum and a mind-swapped Lenny and Karl.

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: Homer's surprisingly touching talk about being a son, and being a father: "...everyone thinks their dad's a jerk.  And everyone's right.  But, when you get older, you realize how much you love them.  Your dad may be a little bit immature, but I know he loves you.  So, you ought to give him a chance."


NUMBER 1: "Marge Be Not Proud"
Season 7, Episode 11
First Broadcast: December 17, 1995

A CHRISTMAS STORY: Yes, this was a Christmas episode!  And thank Godzilla for that, as we get to talk briefly about a non-gimmicky episode which is simply good on its own merit.

Bart will stoop to any low to get "Bonestorm", the hot new beat-'em-up videogame, but when he tries to shoplift it and is caught by the store detective, Marge begins to feel she has failed as a mother, and that Bart has grown up too much to need her.  But the seasonal spirit brings reconciliation, and Bart gets to "enjoy" a videogame for Christmas - "Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge".

X(MAS) MARKS THE (BEST) SPOT: Anything to do with "Bonestorm" itself is pure, post-"Mortal Kombat" moral panic gold - but come on, it has to be this one shot...

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Join us next Thursday when we'll be back in our usual routine.  But until then, have a merry Christmas, everybody - and enjoy the rock 'n' roll stylings of Wild Billy Childish and The Buff Medways!

Thursday, December 21, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Nineteen - “Five days? But I’m mad now!”

Season 9, Episode 5
“The Cartridge Family”
First Broadcast: November 2, 1997

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

When association football (‘soccer’, to our American friends) fever comes to Springfield, in the form of the bitter rivalry of Mexico and Portugal, a riot breaks out when no goals are scored in seemingly only two minutes of action, underlining the fundamental difference between American and European team spectator sports.  After a good old fashioned football riot, naturally led by the British contingent, anarchy temporarily rules, and Homer uses his family’s perceived lack of safety as a lever to buy a firearm.

Unconvinced by a National Rifle Association meeting, and livid after Homer promises to get rid of the gun but actually just leaves it in the refrigerator, Marge is moved to take the children and go to a sleazy motel in an attempt to escape Homer’s wanton gunplay.  When his behaviour even brings the scorn of the NRA, Homer knows he must make amends.

Following Marge to the motel, he apologises and asserts that he has got rid of the gun.  However, Snake’s appearance and attempted robbery leads him to reveal he has lied again, and when Snake snatches Homer’s gun, it’s up to the quick reactions of other NRA members to save them.  Fearing the power the gun has over him, Homer empowers Marge to throw it away…  But seeing her reflection in the garbage can, decides to keep it for herself.


Homer's imagining of what life would be like if he robbed the Kwik E Mart:

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.
Homer shopping for a gun, which includes him being categorised as "Potentially Dangerous", limiting him to a mere three handguns.

The contrast between Kent Brockman’s commentary, and the commentary of his Mexican, non-union equivalent.


Oh, that’s weird: the main featured song in this episode – other than the theme to “The Avengers” – is “The Waiting” by Tom Petty, who as I write this has just died, a mere four days ago (but when this gets published, about two and a half months ago).  It plays as Homer runs down the agonising five-day wait for his gun:


Guns had been featured prominently in The Simpsons before, including in “Homer The Vigilante”, where the drunken mob (some of whom are pictured in the NRA in this episode) are shown to be unable to safely handle firearms, and the actual showing of an oft-quoted Apu shooting in “Homer and Apu” - and that’s before we even get to the hyperviolence  of “McBain”.  And Sky1 didn’t ban any of those.  Just saying.  (Although I bet Channel 4 have cut them to shit.)

Oh yeah, and there’s an episode where Mr Burns got shot – that’s a bit of an obscure one though, you might not have heard about it.

The National Rifle Association – “cold, dead hands” and all that – are of course regularly mentioned on The Simpsons.  As revealed in “The Simpsons 138th Episode Spectacular”, when Maggie is scanned in the opening title sequence, the cash register shows the legend “NRA4EVER” – just one of many right-wing references Matt Groening has peppered throughout his creation.


The Simpsons rarely turns its focus to huge societal and political issues, “Much Apu About Nothing”’s Cliff Notes of immigration aside, so the novelty of the show weighing in on something wider than Captain Wacky’s family adventures is pretty damn cool – I’d go as far as to say that this is “South Park” territory in terms of subject matter, and as such an intriguing proposition from the get-go.

It seems a relatively even-handed discussion of that huge issue, one which remains non-judgemental about gun ownership and use, not blind to the perceived advantages in home security and even the allure of firearm ownership, but critical of any lack of gun safety and the ease with which they can be purchased – a realistic view in keeping with a broadly left-wing American perspective on gun control.

And yeah, the banning worked.  This was a holy grail for a fair while due to Sky 1’s reluctance to show it and the lack of streaming or home DVR at that time, meaning a bootleg VHS was the only way to get hold of it – and get hold of it I did not.  Luckily the good old BBC was more than happy to have an episode of The Simpsons it could legitimately debut in the UK, and I still remember my excitement on seeing it for the first time.  For that one move alone, they’ll get my licence fee until the Tories succeed in dismantling it, in about four months’ time.

Join us next time for more from the blog that can’t even say “titmouse” without giggling like a girl.  (Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee!)

Thursday, December 14, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty - “…And that's when the C.H.U.D.s came at me.”

Season 9, Episode 1
“The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson”
First Broadcast: September 21, 1997

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

When Moe cracks down on his patrons’ drink driving, Barney finds himself in the unfamiliar realm of sobriety as the designated driver, on a night that will never be forgotten, except by everyone except Barney due to their excessive drunkenness – as DUFFMAN! and the Duff Party Bus pull up for a night of debauchery.

Barney drops the guys at their homes and disappears with Homer’s car, which is eventually traced to New York City.  Homer is reluctant to go due to a bad experience changing buses there when he was seventeen years old, but the family are keen to sample the Big Apple – and sample they do, taking in the sights and sounds, some shopping and a show on Broadway, whilst Homer spends an infuriating afternoon trying to get his car unclamped.

When crab juice causes nature to call and the World Trade Center bathroom is the only one around, Homer misses Officer Steve Grabowski’s arrival, and in frustration wrecks his own car attempting to remove the clamp, leading to a long, windscreen-free drive home for the hapless patriarch, further compounded by his family’s eagerness to revisit New York…


No pizza.  Only Khlab Kalash.  And to drink...?

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.
Bart’s visit to Mad Magazine, featuring Spy vs. Spy and Alfred E. Neumann.  One assumes he has yet to wash his eyes.

Homer’s flashback to the old, nasty New York of the late seventies/early eighties, full of pimps and C.H.U.D.s, all of which is wonderfully set to “The Entertainer”…


…which is a popular ragtime piece written by Scott Joplin in 1902.  More recently it was popularised by its use in the film “The Sting”, released in 1973:

Oh, thank Godzilla!  There’s also a whole bunch of songs this week, as opposed to last week’s Joe Cocker-fest.  So we also have a version of “Theme From New York, New York”, as popularised by the chairman of the board, you know his name. 

The episode also features “Oh Yeah” by Yello, arguably best known from “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off”, as the theme of the Duff Party Bus, and a snatch of an original song, “You’re Checking In”, from a fictional Broadway show about celebrity addiction that the family attend, sans Homer.


DUFFMAN! is a character (or characters) with a history even foggier than that of Armin Tamzarian.  Ostensibly a gentleman named Barry Duffman (though this may be an illusion kept up by the brewery as at least three Duffmen are present in a later episode), or perhaps Barry Huffman, or Larry, or Sid…  You know what?  I’m going to leave it there and just state that I honestly think they’re using this character to deliberately needle their own approach to continuity.

Barney Gumble though – now that’s a man with coherent characterisation, right from his appearance in the first full length episode, “Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire”.  A friend of Homer’s since high school, driven to drink by combination of Homer (in general) and the rejection of his high school sweetheart, Barney is clearly a clever and creative man – see his turn as John Lennon in “Homer’s Barbershop Quartet”, or his delightful short film “Pukeahontas” – but he is constantly stymied by his need to drink, a thirst not helped by Moe’s enabling.

Barney has cleaned up his act on a number of occasions, and seemingly permanently in Season Eleven’s “Days of Wine and Doh’ses”.  Unfortunately this robbed him of his main character trait/flaw, and he has largely disappeared from the show since, only reappearing during his now-more-frequent relapses.


This is an episode from when “The Simpsons Are Going To…” was still big news, and this is one of the few episodes where the entirely cartoon America they inhabit is contrasted by a cartoon representation of the real America, as opposed to simply dumping them in another country and letting them deal with the ker-azy culture and wildlife. 

This episode shows, in microcosm, the full potential of taking the family to a different locale and letting them loose, with the added bonus of it being (largely) free of negative stereotyping and imbued with an increased accuracy that suggests the writers are more familiar with the location they’re writing about, rather than just saying Africa has big spiders or that the cultural value of female life is embarrassingly tiny in China.

As such it has a feel largely unlike other episodes that put the family out of their comfort zone – caricatured, but firmly rooted in reality; whimsical, but with a sliver of truth.  I think it also helps that it’s a place I’ve actually been – yes, yes, there’s “The Regina Monologues”, but I didn’t recognise the UK from that episode – which gives me a cultural proximity I don’t get from the rest of their travels. 

In fact the episode is so good that I've managed to go through this whole piece without mentioning the ridiculous theory that it predicted 9/11.

Join us next time when you’ll see all your favourite soccer stars!  Like Ariaga!  Ariaga II!  Bariaga!  Aruglia!  And Pizzoza!

Thursday, December 07, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty-One - “Then grease me up, woman!”

Season 5, Episode 19
"Sweet Seymour Skinner's Baadasssss Song"
First Broadcast: April 28, 1994

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

Bart, desperate to stand out in a ‘show and tell’ exercise awash with geodes, makes the flawed but understandable decision to take his pet dog, Santa’s Little Helper, into school.  Whilst initially dismissed as some form of walking clock, the dog is a huge hit with pupils and staff alike, until SLH escapes into the school’s ventilation system in search of Grade F Meat,  leading Groundskeeper Willie to grease up and pursue him.

When that situation spirals inevitably out of control, Principal Skinner is left carrying the can with an enraged Superintendent Chalmers, who fires Skinner after bearing the impact of a falling, greasy Scotsman.  Ned Flanders steps into the breach as principal, but his soft touch leads to absolute anarchy, whilst Bart, shocked to be craving structure and rules, starts an unlikely friendship with Skinner, who soon rejoins the US Army.

Bart decides enough is enough, and with Homer on board – simply to take any chance to ruin Flanders – he gets Skinner out of the army and brings Chalmers to the school to view its fall from grace first hand.  Initially unconcerned, Chalmers is moved to fire Flanders when he hears him offer a prayer over the PA system, and Skinner is rehired.  No longer able to be friends, Skinner and Bart have one last chat and depart to be kicked and taught, respectively.


One of the greatest scenes in Simpsons history, period: Skinner’s synopsis of his great American novel, “Billy And The Cloneasaurus”, and his subsequent castigation by Apu.

A debut appearance by one Luigi Risotto:

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.
The chase scene in the ventilation system, a loving tribute to “Alien”.


Baadasssss songs we do NOT have, here.


No; instead, it is my solemn duty to report that our main musical moment this time is Joe Cocker’s absolutely excruciating version of The Beatles’ “With A Little Help From My Friends”, better known as the opening to the equally execrable coming-of-age-very-very-slowly snorefest “The Wonder Years”.

I’m bloody not putting that up though, so here’s the aria “Votre toast, je peux vous le rendre“ from Bizet’s “Carmen”, more popularly known as “The Toreador Song”, which is briefly hummed by Martin Prince for, like, five seconds or something later in the episode.  It is performed here by everybody's Siberian baritone, Mr Dmitri Hvorostovsky:


Armin Tamzarian… (ducks many, many thrown items) Hey!  It’s canon, don’t blame me!...  Was a Green Beret in the US Army, who saw action and imprisonment in the Vietnam War, before moving to Springfield to take over his missing Sergeant’s life in his absence, becoming Seymour Skinner.  This was revealed in Season Nine’s “The Principal And The Pauper”, an episode which is itself called out in Season Eleven’s “Behind The Laughter” as a point where the show’s golden reputation started to tarnish.

(Or maybe not, as the episode “Boy Meets Curl” – which isn’t that bad, despite having a curling gimmick and being in Season Twenty-One – depicts Seymour in Agnes’ womb…  Maybe this is one of those ones where continuity simply doesn’t work, and I need to dial back the urge to nerd a little.)

Skinner was there from the start and has appeared a great deal of times, given he works at Springfield Elementary and very few episodes don't include at least one scene there.  His classics include a turn as the funny one in "Homer's Barbershop Quartet", his Terminator-esque chase down of Bart in "The Boy Who Knew Too Much" and his surprisingly tender romance with Edna Krabappel, as first kindled in "Grade School Confidential".


Deliberately picked to be the show’s 100th episode to be broadcast due to its focus on Bart rather than Homer, thus harking back to the show’s early days as a family-targetted Bart vehicle, this seems like a distillation of the early years - Bart prank, consequences, resolution, status quo - albeit one informed by the extra experience the show had picked up along the way.

The central conflict/friendship between Bart and Seymour imbues this episode with a similar core dynamic to “Homer Loves Flanders”, but it is further enlivened here by the fringe characters – Ned just being Ned and applying Nedlike logic to a role he is utterly unqualified for, and Skinner and Chalmers’ fantastic interplay, which would become a must-see dynamic in later episodes, particularly where steamed hams were involved.

This is an excellent romp that earns its more sentimental ending by keeping me rolling in the aisles throughout, and much like "Homer And Apu", gives us enough of a glimpse at a side character's life to develop them to full comedic potential - a potential that has been mined to great effect since.  Just don't mention Armin Tamzarian again....

Join us next time when we hand you a stark choice: Mountain Dew or Crab Juice?

Thursday, November 30, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty-Two (Hooray!) - "I'm better than okay. I'm Homer Simpson."

Season 8, Episode 23
Homer’s Enemy”
First Broadcast: May 4, 1997

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.


Frank Grimes is a clever, hard-working man who has pulled himself up by his fingernails and suffered adversity after adversity in his life.  Homer Simpson is an idiot who has repeatedly landed on his feet. 

Conflict between this chalk-and-cheese pairing ensues quickly when Mr Burns sees an inspiring soft news story about Grimes and decides to hire him to a board position.  By the time he arrives at the power plant, Mr Burns has seen a subsequent inspiring soft news story about a heroic dog, and awards the board position to the canine, sending Frank to Sector 7-G with Homer.

Meanwhile, Bart sneaks into an auction and buys a warehouse downtown.  He gives Milhouse a fantastic opportunity in overnight security facilitation, and returns the next day to find the warehouse has collapsed.  (That’s the whole B-plot by the way – it’s actually better than it sounds.)

Frank is stretched to breaking point by Homer’s incompetence and his community’s acceptance thereof, and particularly angered by his list of achievements, including but not limited to space travel.  The self-made man eventually snaps after Homer wins a model making contest for children and is lauded for it, leading to Frank’s death by misadventure in a rare on-screen slaying.


Frank's incredible meltdown, one of the single greatest speeches in Simpsons history:

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac,
Homer’s formula for winning the model contest: "Well, basically, I just copied the plant we have now... Then I added some fins to lower wind resistance.  And this racing stripe here, I feel is pretty sharp."

The rats' exodus into Moe's Tavern, to enjoy the dank.


OK, so the best I can do here is that Homer sings "Take Me Out To The Ball Game".  So, yeah...  They can't ALL have showstoppers, y'know.


Despite his decisive death at the end of this episode, Frank Grimes is mentioned a few times in the following seasons.   Whilst usually restricted to shots of his gravestone, Season Fourteen’s superior offering “The Great Louse Detective” centred on a plot to kill Homer, with Sideshow Bob brought in is a Lecter-like expert to track down the would-be murderer...

...Who, in one of the better crazy twists in Simpsons history, is revealed to be Frank Grimes Jr!  Turns out Frank Snr had a taste for sex workers, one of whom bore his progeny.  Homer's reaction to the reveal - “How is ol’ Grimey?” - actually had me hooting with laughter.

Man, that was a good episode.  See?  It's not all been bad since Season Ten.


This is one of those more “meta” episodes, as The Simpsons was getting to a stage where it was enough of an ongoing institution to turn the gun on itself and its own ridiculousness.

Shows have to be careful not to go to that well too many times – indeed, many see this episode as The Simpsons’ shark jump moment – and whilst it’s arguable that The Simpsons has gone beyond with it in later years, this episode and “Itchy and Scratchy and Poochie” had the benefit of novelty and were therefore serving up a target we hadn’t seen lampooned before, and indeed that we wouldn’t have believed lampoonable within the context of the show.

The structure is tight, too, with a B-plot that provides laughs but, with little potential for dovetailing with the main story, is dispensed with decisively in short order to avoid pulling focus from Grimey’s eventual breakdown.

By pointing the finger at Springfield's residents' enabling of Homer Simpson, the show allows the real world, which it has so often mirrored, inside its bubble just a little - and the results were revolutionary, and never repeated to the same effect.

Join us next time as we solve a riddle that has plagued mankind for centuries: what has four legs and ticks?

Thursday, November 23, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty-Three - “Let's all get drunk & play ping-pong!”

Season 6, Episode 12
Homer The Great”
First Broadcast: January 8, 1995

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.


Frustrated with his lot in life, Homer realises that his friends’ lifestyles are significantly better than his, leading him to stalk Lenny and Carl to a mysterious clubhouse, where he discovers they are members of the Freemaso…  I mean, Stonecutters – a secret society that runs the world from the shadows.

He eventually passes the various ass-paddling-related initiation ceremonies and joins the society himself, but after a predictable faux pas on Rib Night, he seems set to be cast out – until a mysterious birthmark reveals that he is the Chosen One, for whom the Stonecutters have waited to lead them to unspecified greatness.

Homer enjoys his status as a god among men, but grows bored of the deference in short order.  At a crossroads, he makes the oft-erroneous decision to consult Lisa, who convinces him that the Stonecutters could be a great source of charity volunteers and general do-gooders.  The rest of the group do not agree, and after narrowly escaping death, or something being done to his voice box, at the hands of the Stonecutter World Council, he is forced into exile as the Stonecutters evolve into the Ancient Mystic Society of No-Homers.


Grandpa Simpson’s membership cards: 

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

The Egg Council Guy.

The appearance of the Stonecutter World Council, consisting of Jack Nicholson, Orville Redenbacher,  Mr. T and George H.W. Bush.


“We Do” is right up there with “Monorail”, “They’ll Never Stop The Simpsons” and “Who Needs The Kwik-E-Mart?” in the Mount Rushmore of great Simpsons original musical numbers:


Patrick Stewart is both the world’s greatest classical actor and its most famous fan of Huddersfield Town FC.   At this stage he was about seven months removed from “All Good Things…”, his televisual swansong as Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

Talking to BBC News in the year 2000, Mr Stewart opined: "I think my appearance in The Simpsons and an appearance that I did on "Sesame Street" - in praise of the letter B - were perhaps the two most distinguished bits of work that I've done in the US."  He would later go on to play a pivotal role in American Dad and various recurring roles in Family Guy, so I imagine that assessment hasn’t changed.

This would not be the last time Lisa would accidentally ruin Homer’s fun by giving him a social conscience – a similar scenario plays out in “Today I Am A Clown”, where Homer’s talk show for average joes serves as a great replacement for Krusty’s show, until he tries to use it as a platform to confront societal issues.


Aside from giving us an easy target for all the things in life we hate, there’s something fascinating about the idea of a shadowy cabal of exclusively male social elitists having parties in their man-cave whilst greasing the wheels for their members as they ride the easy train toward superior lifestyles.

But enough about the executive team of every company I’ve ever worked for!...  Aw, I just made myself sad.

The bleak, but somewhat realistic, message from all of this is that we could all be doing more to help our wider communities, rather than lining our own pockets and seeing to our own comforts – and that, as human beings, we’re not really likely to accept that notion or do anything constructive about it.

It is a testament to the quality of the show that, even when holding a mirror up to this ugliest aspect of humanity’s foibles, it manages to sugar coat it with enough comedy, variety and entertainment that the bitter pill can be swallowed once more.

Join us next time, at the blog that works hard everyday of its life - and what does it have to show for it?  This briefcase and this haircut!

Thursday, November 16, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty-Four - “Three weeks?! This has got to be some kind of record!"

Season 20, Episode 19
Waverly Hills, 9-0-2-1-D'oh”
First Broadcast:
May 3, 2009

Image result for Waverly Hills, 9-0-2-1-D'oh quotes
Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Simpsons Wikia.


Marge finally realises what the audience have taken for granted for twenty seasons – Springfield Elementary School is a complete dump, and her children will be forever damaged by their time there.  In an attempt to get them a better education, Homer and Marge rent a tiny, overpriced apartment in Waverly Hills, to give them a foothold in a much better school district.

Bart establishes his reputation as a bad boy early on, whilst Lisa makes friends only through lying about a connection to singer Alaska Nebraska – but you can ignore all that for a bit, as the impending arrival of a school inspector forces Homer to move into the apartment, reverting instantly to a bachelor lifestyle with his college-aged friends.

His new set-up unexpectedly rekindles his relationship with Marge, as both act like newly-dating singles – until Marge moves in, harshing Homer’s buzz.  Having survived the visit of the apparently homicidal school inspector, it’s all rendered redundant as Bart and Lisa both have issues at their new school and the family returns to their old home, albeit with Homer and Marge annexing Bart’s treehouse to act as their new love nest.


The school inspector, apparently based on a hitman from “No Country For Old Men”, and his hope to kill Homer and Marge and make it look like suicide.  I bet Channel 4 cut that one out.

Image result for Waverly Hills, 9-0-2-1-D'oh quotes
Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Simpsons Wikia.
Chief Wiggum’s adapted Miranda reading.

The college boys’ disastrous hook-up with Patty and Selma.


Weezer revisit their peppy hit “Beverly Hills” here, replete with obvious re-lyricing.  But here’s the original, which unfortunately doesn’t include the killer line “get education fraudulently”:


Hm…  Not a lot to play with here.  Bart and Lisa have switched schools before, notably in "You Only Move Twice" and the military school in "The Secret War Of Lisa Simpson" plus in later seasons we have Bart's move to a Catholic school in Season Sixteen's "The Father, The Son And The Holy Guest Star", and Lisa's move to a school for the "academically gifted and troublesome" at the end of "The President Wore Pearls"...  Yep, I'm out.  That's one of the troubles with later episodes - they're yet to have a legacy.


Let me open with a negative: in revisiting this I’ve noticed that the Hannah Montana references are going to age this episode horrendously – not only is it a reference to a flash in the pan, but Miley Cyrus doesn’t even do the voice, it’s Ellen Page.  The whole thing risks being utterly impenetrable in a few years’ time, and does sum up a problem with later offerings: as with anything that moves to closely chronicle a moment in time, it risks a lack of timelessness.

I stand by its position in my countdown and my heart, though.  It's full of gags, with only Lisa's side of the story sagging, and even then only slightly, otherwise being a relatively on-point skewering of celebrity worship.  Bart's travails in trying to avoid a birthday party he doesn't want to go to are...  Well, they're a lot better than what I just typed makes it sound, anyway.

But the heart and soul of this episode is Marge and Homer's playful rekindling of their romance.  Their shotgun marriage, after a short romance ended in a semi-wanted pregnancy, has endured season after season of adversity; they've made it work for the greater good, and it's always nice when they get a break from that and remember why they loved each other in the first place.

It makes this deeply cynical soul feel warm inside, at a time when I am closer than ever to believing in love eternal, and as cool as it is to be stony-hearted, I need that every so often.

Join us next time as we hit number twenty-three, and to celebrate: we’re having ribs.

Thursday, November 09, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty-Five - “Ultrasuede is a miracle. This is just good timing."

Season 8, Episode 15
“Homer’s Phobia”
First Broadcast: February 16, 1997

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

After one of Bart’s pranks (frankly I forget which – the one with the dryer race, maybe?) adds to the family’s perpetual money troubles, Marge volunteers to sell a Bouvier family heirloom, and the family heads to Cockamamie’s, a store full of kitsch collectables at the mall, leading them to make friends with the store’s proprietor, John – who also discovers that Marge’s heirloom, perceived to be a Civil War-era statuette, is actually a whisky bottle.

John is fascinated with the Simpsons’ sense of style (“pearls on a little girl!”) and the family enjoys his company.  However, Homer shuns John after Marge reveals he is homosexual, and begins to worry about John’s influence on Bart, prompting Homer’s emergency half-assed over-parenting to kick in.

After exposing Bart to as many ‘manly’ activities as possible, including a trip to a steel mill that does not turn out to be as heterosexual as Homer hoped, he takes Bart hunting with Moe and Barney, and having left empty handed, drops by Santa’s Village to bag a reindeer.  This plan backfires when the reindeer attack and encircle Bart and Homer, leaving John to save the day with his robotic Japanese Santa Claus, which in turn re-endears John to Homer.


The introduction of Japanese Robo-Santa:

Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.
The various doo-dads in Cockamamie’s, including Pogo Stilts and a sci-fi robot replete with the bones of its dead operator.

A small piece of dialogue between John and one Waylon Smithers.  We have no idea what that could possibly signify…


“Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now)” by C+C Music Factory receives a couple of choice airings, as the anthem of anybody who works hard and plays hard:


Homosexuality has generally been depicted with repect in The Simpsons, though stereotyping does persist for assumedly harmless comic effect.  Outside of John here and Karl in “Simpson and Delilah”, the most high-profile homosexual character in The Simpsons is Marge’s sister Patty Bouvier, who eventually came out of the closet to marry her girlfriend in “There’s Something About Marrying” – although her girlfriend was later revealed as a man, so…  Yeah.  Season Sixteen, folks.

At this stage, and for no apparent reason, I feel compelled to mention one Waylon Smithers Jr., the real deal with whom is that he is Mr. Burns' assistant.  He's in his early forties, is unmarried, and currently resides in Springfield.  Thanks for writing!

John Waters, who voices – perhaps shockingly – John, is one of America’s most celebrated outsider filmmakers.  Responsible for triumphs of bad taste such as “Pink Flamingos”, “Multiple Maniacs” and “Female Trouble”, he worked for the most part with close friend Divine on a body of work that has to be seen to be believed.

It’s also worth noting that John is first seen wearing Homer’s ‘Pin Pals’ bowling shirt from “Team Homer”, as bought for him by replacement fourth member Mr Burns.  It is heavily implied that Marge gave the shirt to a charity shop without Homer’s prior knowledge.  Homer, of course, barely notices.


This episode does receive a lot of flak from some quarters for Homer’s characterisation; we’re still some years from Jerk-Ass Homer’s wave of inconsideration, but here he is undeniably in an indefensible position – he is, as the title very strongly suggests, homophobic, and the decision to make him so outwardly vile is a controversial one, though one that undeniably keeps the focus of the episode front and centre by involving its primary character.

His redemption of sorts here underpins a message episode, but one that was largely in keeping with social thinking and the progression thereof at the time.  The Simpsons is ostensibly a left wing, inclusive show - aside from the influence of creator Matt Groening, whose NRA membership and many right-wing references are well documented elsewhere - although one that is not afraid to poke fun at the foibles of the left, so the eventual confrontation of this issue was inevitable.

The episode is fun, and the people with the outmoded ideals get the short end of the stick, though not to any horrendous extent – and you can’t argue with the double header of John Waters and C+C Music Factory.  Now ‘scuse me while I kiss the sky…

Join us next time as we get education fraudulently-hee-hee.

Thursday, November 02, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Number Twenty-Six - “Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw...”

Season 3, Episode 17
“Homer At The Bat”
First Broadcast: February 20, 1992
Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.

The power plant enters a team in the local softball league, and racks up a series of wins thanks to Homer and his “Wonderbat”, carved from a tree that was struck by lightning.  When rival businessman Aristotle Amadopoulos makes a million-dollar wager with Mr Burns, the latter decides to stuff the team with ringers from Major League Baseball by temporarily employing its top stars at the plant.
On the eve of battle, Mr Burns opines that it would take nine separate misfortunes to fell his team of ringers, seven of which actually do occur in the following ways:
  • Wade Boggs - punched by Barney after a disagreement on the relatively legacies of Lord Palmerston and Pitt the Elder;
  • Ken Griffey, Jr. - gigantism, including a grotesquely swollen jaw, brought on by an overdose of nerve tonic;
  • Jose Canseco - put to work emptying a burning house of seemingly every item within;
  • Ozzie Smith - consumed by Springfield's uncanny Mystery Spot;
  • Roger Clemens - believed he was a chicken due to faulty hypnotism;
  • Steve Sax - arrested for multiple murders due to Springfield police laziness and incompetence;
  • Mike Scioscia - develops radiation poisoning after really taking to his fake job at the power plant.
Burns then sacks Don Mattingly for good measure, citing possession of an unacceptable pair of sideburns, which seemingly only Burns himself can see.  That puts most of the original team back in the starting line-up – but unfortunately for Homer, the ringer that plays his position, one Darryl Strawberry, is unscathed, handing Homer a long afternoon on the bench.
Luckily Mr Burns shows his lack of technical nous by subbing him in for Strawberry for the final pitch of the game, which Homer promptly wins by being struck in the head and knocked out, thus missing his own victory party.
“Daaaaaa-rryl!  Daaaaaa-rryl!”
Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Giphy.
Homer’s lightning survival plan, which involves clinging to a sheet of metal under a tall tree.
The team's dismissal of the always-irksome phrase "giving 110%", despite the employment of hypnotism.
Terry Cashman retools his 1981 release "Talkin' Baseball" for the episode as “Talkin’ Softball”:

It remains one of the best pieces of music used in the show, period.
Before "Homer At The Bat", The Simpsons had used celebrities sparingly, and usually as in-universe characters, notably Dustin Hoffmann as Mr Bergstrom in "Lisa's Substitute" and Ringo Starr in "Brush With Greatness".  Since, however...  Well that's another story.
Celebrity involvement quickly ramped up to a ridiculous extent, with just about everyone getting shoehorned in there at the drop of a hat.  This writer's low point came when Blink-182 and Tony Hawk were featured in "Barting Over" to, respectively, no narrative effect and to have an automated skateboard duel with Homer, which is just as stupid as it sounds.
From here on The Simpsons would also serve up a veritable smorgasbord of sporting episodes, though the general consensus is that they never bested this one.  Everything from soccer to golf, professional wrestling to curling has had its own feature episode.  High points included "Team Homer", an affectionate portrait of ten-pin bowling, whilst the lows number amongst them the execrable "Tennis The Menace", existing only to cram four more celebrities into the show.
This is the earliest episode in my top 30 – apologies to fans of those episodes that preceded it, though note that “Bart The Murderer” and “Homer the Heretic” were incredibly close to scraping in – from a time where The Simpsons was just starting to look, sound and feel like the product that would be consistently delivered in seeming perpetuity from season 4, at least until the HD-necessitated redesign.
It’s certainly not the first good episode, but it is the first star-studded one (albeit stars that a British boy had no chance of recognising, playing a game that was entirely unfamiliar), and set the bar for the show’s effective use of celebrities as themselves going forward – although much like “The Simpsons Are Going To…”, this has become an albatross in more recent seasons, as appearing on The Simpsons has become a part of any flavour of the month’s journey through fame.
But the episode doesn’t rely on its expanded cast for thrills; the script and pacing are next-level, and the sequence where Mr Burns’ seven deserved comeuppances are meted out is just hilarious.  So it’s not just the template for successful deployment of guest stars that is established here, but arguably also that for a high-quality episode.
Join us next time for more from the blog that works hard and plays hard.

Wednesday, November 01, 2017

22 Short Pieces About Springfield: Extra Credit 2 - Treehouse of Horror (2)

Blade-ies and blend-lemen, welcome back to GORE-RETH F. HORRORONS' look at the best of Treehouse of Horror!  Or as I call it, TERROR-house of...  Well... 



Horror, I guess.




Let's get straight on with the fearsome five!

NUMBER 5: "The Day The Earth Looked Stupid"
Season 18, Episode 4
“Treehouse of Horror XVII”
First Broadcast: November 5, 2006

EERIE EVENTS: When a small town in the 1930s hears the news of an alien invasion, everybody goes APE CRAZY!!!

...But it's a hoax.  Fooled once, they resolve never to be fooled again - making them the perfect target for an actual invasion!  Can Orson Welles bring them to their senses?  And will Operation Enduring Occupation ever end?

PLOT 9 FROM OUTER SPACE: Not so much an outright plot nick this, as a reference to a real world happening.  Orson Welles' 1938 radio broadcast of "War of The Worlds", despite being presented as drama, was infamously taken seriously by some, though the scale of the panic is disputed by boring spoilsports.
(BLOOD) MAGIC MOMENT: "Now they're playing the xylophone while bowling near an airport!"
TERROR RATING: 8 deus ex machina foilings of extraterrestrial threats via the common cold out of 10.

NUMBER 4: "The Shinning"
Season 6, Episode 6
“Treehouse of Horror V”
First Broadcast: October 30, 1994
EERIE EVENTS: On leaving The Simpsons as winter caretakers at one of his properties, Mr Burns disconnects the television cable and removes all beer – but no TV and no beer make Homer SOMETHING SOMETHING!!!
Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.
Their only hope is Groundskeeper Willie, summoned to their aid by Bart’s, erm, “shinn”.  Will the family escape their psychotic patriarch?  Or will Homer stop eating and stay focused long enough to seal the deal?
PLOT 9 FROM OUTER SPACE: Erm…  “The Shining”, obvs.  Every second of this is a love letter to Stanley Kubrick’s 1980 adaptation of Stephen King’s novel.
(BLOOD) MAGIC MOMENT: Quite literally.  “Hmmmm... that's odd.  Usually the blood gets off on the second floor."
TERROR RATING: Another Coke, of course.

NUMBER 3: "Time and Punishment"
Season 6, Episode 6
“Treehouse of Horror V”
First Broadcast: October 30, 1994
EERIE EVENTS: When Homer Simpson tries to repair his family’s toaster, he unwittingly falls into TIME ITSELF!!!
Our hapless hero can’t stop making crazy changes to the space-time continuum, landing him in a grotesque alternate timeline where Flanders is the ruler of all creation!  Can Homer solve the problem with extreme violence, or will he find himself forcibly re-Ned-ucated?
PLOT 9 FROM OUTER SPACE: Finally, I get to make my mother proud, after years of shaming her – I recognise this story from the science fiction short “A Sound of Thunder”, a Ray Bradbury short story from the collection "The Stars And Under".
The protagonist is sent back in time to see dinosaurs in person, but winds up straying from the path and killing an insect, which causes reality to be different when he returns to his present day.  It’s been referenced by many a time travel story, but this is a particularly precise call-out.
(BLOOD) MAGIC MOMENT: Oh, there’s a few; but an enraged Homer killing everything in his path in prehistoric times having finally snapped just pips his time in the Re-Ned-ucation Centre and him narrowly missing out on his perfect reality, where breakfast foods fall from the sky:
Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.
TERROR RATING: 15 Doctors out of (a theoretical) 26.

NUMBER 2: "Citizen Kang"
Season 8, Episode 1
“Treehouse of Horror VII”
First Broadcast: October 27, 1996

EERIE EVENTS: Space aliens!  Naked conspiracies!  And the harsh reality of a two-party system!  Yes, there’s nothing more terrifying than AMERICAN POLITICS!!!

When Kang and Kodos replace Bill Clinton and Bob Dole on the eve of the 1996 election, Homer is the only witness!  Can he stop them from exchanging long protein strings, or will they move forward, not backward; upward, not forward; and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom!

PLOT 9 FROM OUTER SPACE: In all seriousness, this might be an original concept - well, body-swap horror and sci-fi isn't, but this exact application is pretty unique.  And as far I can tell there's no "Twilight Zone" episode with the same plot, so...

(BLOOD) MAGIC MOMENT: “Don’t blame me.  *I* voted for Kodos!” – bringing, as it inevitably does, no relief from the grind of eternal slavery to horrific space monsters/another Tory government (delete as satirically correct).  Either that or an enraged Ross Perot punching his hat.

TERROR RATING: 10 Kangs out of Kodos.

NUMBER 1: "The Raven"
Season 2, Episode 3
“Treehouse of Horror”
First Broadcast: October 25, 1990

EERIE EVENTS: Homer Simpson IS The Narrator!  Marge Simpson IS Lenore!  And introducing Bart Simpson as the titular Raven, in this, an adaptation of an OLD POEM!!!

Seeking distraction from the death of his beloved, our narrator is unnerved by the presence of a raven in his house.  Can he chase the sinister presence back to the Plutonian shore, or shall his soul be lifted nevermore?

PLOT 9 FROM OUTER SPACE: In stark contrast to the homages we’ve seen in the previous entries, this simply *is* the 1845 poem “The Raven” by the king of the goths, Edgar Allen Poe.
Courtesy 20th Century Fox, via Frinkiac.
Whilst he would appear in "South Park", Poe would not make a return appearance in Springfield, although his gravestone is used by Dr Nick to demonstrate Spiffy! cleaner in "Saturdays of Thunder".
(BLOOD) MAGIC MOMENT: Whilst this is a surprisingly faithful adaptation, there is one conceit to early Simpsons - the line "eat my shorts", which bizarrely has never been funnier than when presented this far out of context.
TERROR RATING: 13 copies of “Disintegration” out of 10 - a macabre masterpiece.
And that concludes our look at Treehouse of Horror!  Join us tomorrow when we'll return to our normal schedule - until then, keep watching the skis!  I mean: skies.