1. SPARKS "This Town Ain't Big Enough For Both Of Us"
Now, THIS is music. Genuinely startlingly fantastic - although some of that startling comes from the gunshot sound effect right near the start, that after so many listens as to count as near-infinite, I still for some reason am not ever expecting, causing me to leap out of my skin in public on a regular basis, to my eternal embarrassment.
The music twists, turns and trills through a number of genuinely unexpected and compelling episodes, with Russell Mael's voice soaring majestically above it, conveying the snowballing desperation of the protagonist.
Anyone who thinks pop music cannot be ambitious, intelligent or challenging needs to have this injected into their brain as abruptly as possible; for that is exactly what this is: pop with a brain, heart and balls, streets ahead of today's non-stop parade of hyper-sexualised R and/or B.
There's every risk our children's children will never experience the rush of hearing new music with this heady combination. Surely, we can't let things go this way? Surely better heads must prevail, and turn back the tide of disposable pop?
In short: won't somebody please think of the children?
2. HELLO "Tell Him"
Is there a less imaginative band name than this? (Yes: "The Band", you fucking idiot - Ed)
Heralded by about the most identikit glam rock intro ever, this is a cover of a 1963 song by a band by the name of The Exciters. And... It's OK. It's a good song, but maybe the performance and the sideways shift into a very regimented glam rhythm has damaged it a little, as the original song is actually pretty damn good, but really suits the more spacious arrangement, and this just doesn't work quite as well.
In fact, why not just listen to the original. You can thank me later:
Here's one for you, though: we'll be hearing another Hello song later, but not their version thereof. See if you can spot it.
3. MUD "Tiger Feet"
Now here's a track you'll often find on glam/70's/classic rock/dad compilations, so it's only appropriate that I type this on Father's Day. Hello, Paul, if you're reading this. I'm going to wager that you don't like this song.
If I'm rambling on about things other than the song, you'll already know that I have naff all to say about this one. I think it's due to the repeated inclusion on compilations, and television programmes about the best and worst of the 70's, that I'm suffering from Tiger Feet apathy, unable to add anything of interest about it - we all surely know there was a special dance, for instance.
So I'm going to rip off the fact from the (very nice, classy) book that accompanies the compilation, as it's quite an interesting one: the song was written by glam rock writers de jour Nicky Chinn and Mike Chapman, keeping another of their songs (The Sweet's "Teenage Rampage") off the top spot, and eventually being replaced by "Devil Gate Drive" - performed by Suzi Fruit-Flavoured Carbonated Drink, but written by, you guessed it, Chinn and Chapman. There's nice for them.
4. THE JOOK "Bish Bash Bosh"
I'm not familiar with the kind of thing I just typed; I don't even know those words, but in a different order... Well, maybe "bash". So I've experienced something new today. Usually good when that happens.
OK, let's dive in with both feet... "#She's sweet sixteen"? Well that's a bit of a bad first line, particularly in context of later events. That the ensuing song appears to be about "easy" girls really doesn't help its case, and the sub-Status Quo racket that accompanies it fails to snap, crackle and pop in any meaningful way.
This does appear to be considered a 'proto-punk' record in hindsight, but it fails to chime with me I fear; however, to give us an excellently odd full circle moment, it appears that two members of this band went on to join - wait for it - Sparks! So that town really wasn't big enough for both of them... (cymbal crash, groans)
Join us next time when, having executed our closing joke-writers, we will meet Byron Ferrari once again, visit a piss factory and try not to mention you-know-who.