From the album “Chinese Wall”
No, really.
Welcome to THE EIGHTIES.
Thatcherism! Sinclair
Computers! “Bridge To Your Heart”! Generation 1 Transformers! The SDP-Liberal Alliance! Peter Beardsley! Sizzlin’ Bacon Monster Munch! That deferential little Tory royalist
snotrag, Ben Elton! Managed
declines! Keke Rosberg! Phil Cool! The golden years of “Neighbours”! An American president who did say ‘well’ a
lot! The constant threat of mutually
assured nuclear destruction! Quatro!
And, of course, Phil Collins by the absolute brimming-full
bucketload, be it as part of a now more socially responsible Genesis, his solo
offerings and Motown coverings (that would somehow go on to be a massive
influence on nineties American hip-hop, because reasons?) and this, a
collaboration with a second Phil, albeit one dignified enough to go full Philip
but not snooty enough to adopt a second ‘L’.
Philip Bailey: who he?
He was one of the two lead singers for Earth, Wind And Fire, dabbling in
solo projects during a hiatus for the band.
Phil Collins produced the album “Chinese Wall”, from which this is
taken, and was also linked to EWF by the Phenix Horns (don’t blame me, that’s
apparently how they spell it), EWF’s brass section, who not only played on
Collins’ solo output but also some early eighties Genesis songs – although it
looks like Collins wound up suing them, so I doubt they’ll be working together
again.
The single was a transatlantic hit, standing at number 1 in
the UK singles chart for four weeks, and hitting number 2 on the Billboard Hot
100, only thwarted by a fellow leviathan in Foreigner’s “I Want To Know What
Love Is”. And why wouldn’t it be? Without wishing to Patrick Bateman this, it
is the Eighties in a single song: all sizzle and no steak, poorly-aged synth
sounds and historically weak production, with a sharp-suited, annoyingly self-referential
video about making the video…
So why is it good?
Why do I like it so much? It’s unlikely
to be childhood memories, as this would have been radio only – no rogue copies
in the home, the only Phil Collins available was pre-“Invisible Touch” Genesis. It doesn’t seem to have been on the
soundtrack to “Grand Theft Auto: Vice City” (though it’s only now I notice that
“Pale Shelter” was – another missed opportunity). And there is no one overriding memory I
attribute to this. It’s just… Good.
I just like it.
As such, I do feel like I’ve spend more time than is
reasonable in my 38 years attempting to defend this song, and always without a
great deal of success. It just does not
stand up to any kind of intellectual dissection, being as it is a monolithic
reminder of a period when music largely lost any semblance of soul in a slick
of synths and production techniques that really, really didn’t like bass. Yet stick it on, and it’s a tricky one to
stay mad at; toes start tapping, air drumming commences, attempts at harmonies
lead to tune butchery, and a good time is had by all.
Before I go, special mention must be made of a unique
listening situation from earlier this year: in a rowboat, on a river in Bath, surviving
numerous water-gun assaults, in celebration of a stag do. If that’s not classic “Easy Lover” territory,
I don’t know what is.
Reader, gird your loins for the final entry, where you’ll join
us in our “White Van” for the latest “Messages” as we “Get Off Your Pretty
Face”!... Hang on a minute…
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